WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?
The biography of Philip Larkin ("gritty" Northern poet). I always liked him when I was really young. My favourite's The Old Fools which goes "I see the old men pissing themselves... "
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE BIT ON THE BIG BREAKFAST?
I'm never up to watch it. I'm afraid, not if I can help it. Chris Evans is all right, the only bad thing about him is that he's ginger, I suppose. That's a bit gingist? Well, they're always well dodgy, aren't they? Prone to really sly violence. They are! Big chips on their shoulders.
WHICH FILM HAVE YOU WATCHED MORE THAN ANY OTHER?
The Apartment with Jack Lemmon and Shirley Maclaine, a romantic comedy you could say. I've seen it... ooh, 12 times. I don't go to the cinema because my legs are too long.
HAS ANYONE EVER COME UP TO YOU IN THE STREET AND ASKED YOU OUT?
Only since I've been in the band. But it's not something that really interests me, I'm not big on sex. Any reaction of love towards us we always have difficulty in dealing with. I'm just really shy and boring.
WHAT DO YOU THINK LIFE WILL BE LIKE IN THE YEAR 3000?
I wouldn't really be surprised if we've returned to really basic forms of living because we'll have to to survive. Then we'll probably get wiped out by a natural disaster.
DO YOU HAVE A FOOL-PROOF HANGOVER CURE?
Ooh, a nice cooked breakfast probably, but I don't drink any more, I haven't had a sip of alcohol for 10 months now - the last time I was drunk was when I was with Smash Hits in Ireland haha! I don't take any drugs, I've a lot of self-control. Apart from with my mouth.
GIVE THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOUR NOSE.
It's quite nice, my nose! Cute. Small, compared to the rest of my features. Average. It's all right. I've never thought about my nose!
HAVE YOU EVER WORN FISHNET STOCKINGS?
Never! Um... I did wear Fame leg-warmers once! Rolled down to my ankles with shorts on and trainers. Dark blue, they were. I've still got them!
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT TO THE ZOO?
I can honestly say I've never been to the zoo. Ever. Ever. I never went on school-trips because I was a really bad traveller. And my mum's a real animal rights person, a very dignified, lovely woman, so I never went with my family.
DO YOU SHOUT AT THE TELEVISION?
I really get mad at the television. Especially at any sporting event when I want someone to win. Shouting and swearing, unbelievably bad behaviour. The most I ever shouted and swore at the telly was when England lost the world cup semi-final to West Germany. I was literally on all fours howling! And EastEnders. I shout at that. The Brookside Siege. all the big ones. I've been there.
WHAT'S YOUR PERSONAL MOTTO?
Man cannot be free at the expense of others. I don't believe in hurting other people in order to enjoy yourself. I believe my generation has disintegrated into total self-disgust. drug-induced insomnia. I respect my parents much more than any person my own age, which is pretty sad.
WHAT'S THE FUNNIEST JOKE YOU'VE EVER HEARD?
Why did Monica Sales retire from tennis? She was sick of all the back-stabbing. That's my favourite at the moment. Sick? Yes.
DO YOU KEEP A DIARY?
I did right up until we started the band and then I ran out of time. I've got diaries from every year from 12 to 18. I wrote reams and reams of poetry. I've still got them all. I've even got football results in there and what I thought would be the new changes in the England side. How embarrassing.
WHAT'S THE BEST PIECE OF JEWELLERY YOU OWN?
I have these pieces of cut crystal that I got in Japan in the shape of dolphins. They're earrings, even though I don't wear them. From a fan, yeah, they're unbelievably nice with presents in Japan. And my first Sex Pistols badge.
WHAT KIND OF DRUNK ARE YOU?
I'm a very hearty drunk. Very leery. If I'm really drunk I get infatuated with women very easily. The reason I get drunk, usually, is to try to get off with a girl. It's Dutch courage. And you do stupid dances. I've got no rhythm but I'm a good drunk, mostly.
WHAT'S YOUR DAILY NEWSPAPER?
Today. That's what my mum and dad get. But mostly I read music magazines. Smash Hits. I've still got my Smash Hits collection, I'd say from '84-'87 I've got every single one of them, from when it has Morrissey in it and stuff. I still get it at least every other issue -you have to keep up with these things! And it's still more sarcastic than the likes of the NME ever could be.
HAVE YOU EVER WON AN AWARD?
Oh, too many to mention! Hahah! The best A-Level results, so I got a plaque for that, Captain of the football side, Captain of the district, Top Of The Form... I was part of the nerd gang, with all the ginger people and all the people with glasses. Me and James, neither of us ever had a girlfriend all the time we were in school. I had my Smash Hits to keep me going.
DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES?
I've convinced myself I'm allergic to lots of things. Foreign food makes ore feel sick. And I've got Gilbert's Syndrome, some enzymes in the liver don't break down very well so I get jaundiced and not very well. Nothing serious, really.
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE?
Uuh... Probably I'd say the only sign I've ever experienced is when I probably... have written to someone constantly. Uhm, it's something in the mind makes you... constantly put pen to paper. The last time? (looks completely mortified) Trade secret! It's only happened once. Is it on-going? Trade secret! (i.e. it is)
WHAT ARE HUMANS FOR?
For showing how nice animals are. God definitely created humans as the dregs, we have all the greed and the despicable acts and humanity, world-wide, is now at its lowest ebb. Depressing, isn't it, so let's not get started on that.