ideas?

[littlebabynothing79]

I just dont know what to. Living at home is unbearable and my mum tells me to bugger off or you're in the way all the time. She thinks I should be married at 23 with children!? She doesnt understand why I dont go out every night

I've been thinking about moving out..just not sure which route to take:

1. Stay put and endure these cycles. She's going through a phase of cold turkey cos she's coming off valium. But her moods are unpredictable and I cant deal with her rude marks. Let alone live in the same house anymore.

2. Live in Bath for the next 2yrs of my academic life at uni and work in Bath over the summer.

3. Permanently move away. But probably wouldnt be allowed to move back if things went wrong and financially this would mean quitting uni for the year ahead and going back at some point!?

My shyness is a pretty bad issue and I'm always being undermined by her or my friends locally. I've made an email to the welfare dept at uni and hopefully some counselling may help...but til then what can I do? Anyone been in a similar boat or any advice please?

[relic]

I was absolutely desperate to leave home when I was eighteen, and have never, ever wanted to go back. I think there's always going to be a lot of tension when adult offspring are still living at home, I know my brother has moved back in with our parents several times, and the tension does get pretty bad.

If you do get a place of your own, get as much help and advice as you can from the student welfare people. What about a houseshare with other mature students?

relic

[littlebabynothing79]

Sounds like a good idea. I just dont know whether the admin/welfare side of things at uni will remain open over the summer holidays.

I dont want to lose contact with my dad. But since my brother left home at 19 (circumstances were out of his hands) my mums constantly on the phone to him. I couldnt handle that at all. I know definitely they wouldnt support me in anyway at all. I just need to make a BIG change to my life, cos I cant deal with the way I am now..I am in a complete daze and dont sleep properly.

I'm sorry to everyone for moaning continuously. I guess we've all been there at some point to a varying degree.

[relic]

You don't have to lose contact with anyone! In fact, you'll probably talk more to your family once you move out, on the phone etc.

relic

[Perdita]

I think you should move out. That's just my opinion and I've only read on a couple of your threads what your situation is, so it might be a silly idea.

Move out sensibly, slowly, with well-laid plans - no use running away or flouncing out. In my experience (though I've been very lucky) I became closer to my family through moving out - gave the space to breathe, grow up, have fun, and miss them like hell.

But it sounds like you need space and reason. I know what it's like to have friends who undermine you, and shyness doesn't matter - one or two really decent, slow-growing friends is better than a huge clan of drinking partners.

Does your mum need support if she's coming off valium? Maybe you feel trapped, or maybe it's best to stay cos of that? I wouldn't know. Did you say you are 23, or just that your mum expected you to be married at 23 (wasn't sure). It's a good time to move out, if you can afford to.

If you're 23, we're the same age. If you're carrying on in academia at that age you're likely to be at a pretty impressive level and needing space to study *jealous*

That's what I think, sorry to poke my nose in when i hardly know you, but you did ask for ideas!

best of luck xxx

[littlebabynothing79]

Does your mum need support if she's coming off valium? Maybe you feel trapped, or maybe it's best to stay cos of that? I wouldn't know. Did you say you are 23, or just that your mum expected you to be married at 23 (wasn't sure). It's a good time to move out, if you can afford to.

She see's the Dr on a 6mth basis.
I do the housework for her at time. I email her clairvoyant. She lives her life through her. Its so annoying. I have been open with her..but she wont listen.

Yep I am 23.
I'm only doing a BSc. But do want to do a MSc if I get me 2:1

I think you're right though preparation is definitely needed thank you.

[music-is-redundant]

I agree with what people have said so far, you should move out. If you can't afford a place of your own you could do like relic said and get a houseshare.

I moved out a few weeks ago (I'm 20) and although I did have a great relationship with my parents before that at least it's not gotten worse after that. As relic said you don't have to lose contact with anyone. I also find that I have more contact now both with my friends and my family, so it's only been a positive experience for me.