View Full Version : What is fancying?
What do peopl eon here define as 'fancying'?
It's mostly because my boyfriend has this teeny-tiny definition of what fancying is, whereas I have a really broad one, which means that he is able to say (IMO untruthfully) 'I only fancy you, sweetheart.' pooh.
(in know for a fact he fancies patricia arquette and miranda richardson)
To me, fancying someone doesn't mean you'd sleep with them given the chance, single or otherwise. It's just seeing someone and thinking 'ooh!', and perhaps having some silly sexual scenario to keep your mind occupied on the bus. In that sense I fancy people on this forum, I fancy people I work with, I fancy people on the TV. But I'd never in a zillion years even compare them to my boyfriend, or anything else like that
What do you think? Am I just a slag?:D
I pretty much agree with your theory, Amy. Thinking about it, I think your boyfriend is no good for you! You deserve better! [opens arms]
yes.
btw. I had naughty fantasies 'bout you too.. :o
... lala, maybe I should have left the obvious joke to sNoImKeOne else.
I agree with you Perdita, I fancy several people, but have absolutely no intention of taking it any further with any of them. I think it's good for the soul to notice how attractive other people are, and it's also good for them to be told.
When you're in a relationship, you should be able to tell each other things like that, and even have a joke about crushes.
relic
I just don't like the word 'fancy'. In lad terms if you say 'I fancy sarah' what you really mean is 'I'd like to bend sarah over and....' etc.
I don't use the term 'fancy' (or 'fit') because I know what blokes really mean when they say it. However, if I'm walking down the street with my girlfreind and see someone who's good-looking I'll say that I think she looks attractive, or pretty, or nice.
In girl terms (if I'm right :S) to fancy someone means just to find them attractive....it's much more general.
I think almost the same as Amy, except for the bit that says "To me, fancying someone doesn't mean you'd sleep with them given the chance, single or otherwise"
I WOULD!! NOW WHO'S THE SLAG!?
Ok, ok, but I AM male, and if I fancy someone it's mainly with the desire, somewhere in that jumbled mess, that I'd quite like to meet them in a private space for a bit of how's your father.
"In girl terms" yes, probably is just plain old innocent attractiveness. In mine? You can be the hottest woman in the world (and there, we already strike a hurdle. What makes the hottest woman in the world? Big breasts? full lips? Nice arse? Long legs? Slim? Blonde hair? Put me in a room with THAT woman and I'd run a mile. Take away the full lips, arse the size of Africa, reduce those breasts a bit ((I wanted a woman, not a bouncy castle)), darken the hair and now we're cooking with charcoal) and if I don't like the person then you'll be as attractive to me as my dear old grandmother. I wouldn't fancy someone I didn't like, I couldn't grudgingly admit she was attractive.
Originally posted by Thomas
btw. I had naughty fantasies 'bout you too.. :o
... lala, maybe I should have left the obvious joke to sNoImKeOne else.
thanks for that...:P
Culture Junky
12-07-2003, 12:18
Hats off to Dave for admitting that fancying to him means he'd like a bit of how's your father, not a lot of men would be so honest and deny it and say nooooo' i just think she's nice when really they would like to shag them.
I think it's possibly different because men and women are so different, women tend to think more romantically than men do I feel.
For me personally personality is the thing that makes me fancy somebody, ( I fancy Rick Mayall because of his wacky personality, if he didn't have that personality I don't think i'd go all a flutter when he's being Flash on Black Adder!) but I think everybody has the ability to look at somebody and be totally bowled over by their physical looks.
I mean I am in a very serious relationship and I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world and would never even think about doing it with anybody else, famous or otherwise. But...I still fancy people on tv or whatever. It did go through my mind when I first started going out with him that if I saw a fella in the street and thought 'wow he's gorgeous' that it was cruel and that I was being unfaithful even if it was only mentally. But now I've accepted that I can look at other men and think 'he's nice' but that doesn't mean I love my boyfriend any less , he's still my soul mate, I still love him madly and it's healthy to be attracted to other people. As Dave says' I would run a mile too if one of those guys actually looked back at me and came over and said 'fancy a drink luv'. It's just looking.....not buying.
What you say about women thinking more romantically... I think is more the case that women are *encouraged* to think more romantically. And reasons for not wanting to shag every bloke I fancy are not down to a lack of sexual desire (ha!), more that... in the real-life run of things, a lot of factors would come into play, safety, and being branded a slag being two of them.
Last time I was single and I messed around a fair bit, I really internalised the 'slag' thing. I was hanging round with people who had very normative views on sex and relationships, oh and at times I was just 'too' feminist, ha! (and I gave em nothing compared to what you lot suffer here :rolleyes: ) ... so according to them the blokes who actually *ignored* or avoided me after we got off wasn't a complete tosser, no, (and I like to think I'm not *that* repulsive :lol: ) he was 'just being a lad' and I'd 'put him off' by spending the night with him too early, and if only I held back a bit the blokes would respect me.... yeah. No, I was used goods after that. Ugh, the hypocrisy is just puke-making.
Erm, TMI. sorry. just got burned that time, so if in fantasy I'd sleep with lots of people, IRL a lot of women have to 'think more romantically'.... sigh.
(no offence to you culture junky though xx)
Culture Junky
12-07-2003, 16:53
No no I understand and I think you're right about that women are encouraged to be more romantic, we are especially according to society expected to be romantic and squigy and teddy bears and the like. But I just think women are more tender than men, in most cases anyway. Men are allowed to think 'I'd like to give her one' but if a girl said that out loud 'cor I'd love to get him into bed and shag his brains out' we'd be considered a right slapper which is so wrong. It's societys ills I guess.
I know there are romantic men out there, my boyfriend is pretty sweet and romantic, and I'm very lucky to have a guy like that, he's a quite tender person.
But I think even now the world has a problem with the fact that women do enjoy the conquest and sex just as much as men do. It's just that if we admit to it you're made to feel like a slag and it's not right at all. Women do lust after men, women do like sex and think the same things as men. I know I do! lol
But I think women have a tenderness that men don't.....
I'm sorry you got hurt Perdita....and no offence taken of course :cool:
princess
12-07-2003, 17:29
I think I must be really picky. I only think it's "fancying someone" when I really want..stuff to happen. I see people sometimes and I think "Oh, they're hot" but there's nothing THERE. I think fancying is much more than just finding someone attractive. It's everything.
For me, anyway. My ex-boyfriend claimed not to fancy his ex at all, despite going out with her for yonks. His words were "Well, I didn't find her pretty. She just gave good head". Certain people here may know the creator of that oh-so-lovely quote.
But anyway, I've only ever FANCIED about five people. Who pretty much all turned into boyfriends. I've never gone out with anyone I didn't fancy, or find attractive.
Originally posted by Culture Junky
Men are allowed to think 'I'd like to give her one' but if a girl said that out loud 'cor I'd love to get him into bed and shag his brains out' we'd be considered a right slapper which is so wrong.
For me slags can be male just as much as female. There's no point prejudicing based on sex.
:D
With the being made to feel like a slag, I'm not sure whether it only really affects women because if we're all honest, the stereotypical lad's "I had fifty women last year" bragging session just doesn't happen as much as people make out. No, really. I'm not saying it doesn't happen at all, it does, but it's just not commonplace at all. Well, not amongst Real Men like me ;) but rather amongst the lads (c'mon, they ain't men) who hang around in bus stations and the like in designer gear and baseball caps balanced on their heads. But who cares about them?
People will still call a bloke a slag if he has a few women but the difference is that he won't let it bother him, in fact, the likelihood is that five minutes later he'll have forgotten anyone ever thought he was a slag.
I think maybe the idea upsets you ladies so much because you tend take it all personally, internalise, and blame yourselves too much. That may only be an assumption but I don't know a single girl/woman/Queen who doesn't take insults and such personally.
Oh, and thanks for the compliment Ms Junky, I attribute my new found honesty to early morning runs, tennis, hard physical labour and the realisation that buggering about euphemising or lying or whatever takes too much time.
Originally posted by Dave
I think maybe the idea upsets you ladies so much because you tend take it all personally, internalise, and blame yourselves too much. That may only be an assumption but I don't know a single girl/woman/Queen who doesn't take insults and such personally.
Ooh, talk about blaming the victim! (I'd love to see you on the Ms boards, Dave, I really would have to disown you:D :P)
Yeah, it is only twats and stereotyped men who go on about sleeping with loads of women, I think you're right there. It's the same type of men who'll refer to those women as slags, though. Yeah, who gives a shit about them, but they're also the ones who sexually harass me every other day. (I live in a lovely, sweet area.) That *gives* me a thicker skin.
I didn't take that whole episode 'personally', thanks, and I do think your argument (not deliberately) sort of belittles experiences like what I went through. it's not as though having someone treat you like a leper is something that bounces off anyone's skin. This isn't a single episode, by the way, but about a year of having fun, so *that* gave me thicker skin.
This makes sense when you think that there isn't, and never has been, a secular structure of shame around male promiscuity, so why should a man ever take it as an insult? I only ever heard a man being called it in a sort of fond way, 'Oh, XXXX, he's such a slag...' and nobody went round gossiping and ignoring him after, in fact he would be quite cool to hang round with. This was just my impression and experience though, I'd be interested to hear of an example where 'slag' to a man was said with the full intention, and had the effect, of making him feel bad about his sexual exploits, and was accompanied by nasty behaviour.
'Slag' for me, came along with blokes avoiding me, all kinds of crap said behind my back, and people telling me I should be more 'romantic'... I was told to 'deal with it,' as though the shitty treatment I got was my fault... so you don't just internalise the word with the same meaning as a man might.
Anyway, that's just what I think - that 'slag' said to a woman can sometimes mean something very different to when it's said to a man.
*sigh*. I've totally hijiacked. Ah well, it's my thread! :p
Culture Junky
13-07-2003, 12:28
I personally don't base the term 'slag' on the sex of the person either, as void says it shouldn't be termed on the sex.
However it does seem that although there are the few people who deem either sex as a slag if they've slept around are just that very few. I think a lot of has to do with the media too.
Take Justin Timberlake for instance? (Sorry to mention him on a Manics forum but well it's essential here! :eek: )
In the papers they are nick naming him 'justin trousersnake' because of his so-called sexual exploits and his bedding anything famous in a skirt. The impression I get from these articles is that he's seen as something of a hero and put about as if he's this great geezer who's having his end away, isn't he fantastic. Whether it's men or women journalists that have written these articles I don't know. But he's seen as something of a 'lad' a boy just having his fun before he settles down and gets the wife and kids.
Now take Jordan? ( I don't like her either)
The papers slag her off like nothing because she boasts about sleeping with Gareth Gates and the like and she's seen as a dirty slapper, no good mother, and basically the celebrity bike. Ok so she may be the celebrity bike BUT she's treated totally different to the aforementioned Justin Timberlake. Why? Because she's a woman...that's my opinion anyway.
It is society's and the Media's bias towards men and their confused opinions on women I think that makes the term 'slag'....
It's the media's view on what a woman should be that determines how women are taken.
What does everybody else think?
I think the biggest Male slags in the media at the mo are Robbie Williams and Calum Best, but their exploits are reported with joy and wonder.....hmmmmm
princess
13-07-2003, 13:16
Yeah, but Justin's hot.
...but you're right. And Dave's wrong. This can only be a good thing.
alexliamw
13-07-2003, 14:36
IMHO, fancying is one step further than "thinking someone is attractive", I think its "being attracted to them". That is slightly different.
I did have an intelligent argument written but then I though "Ah, what's the point? It won't make sense to any of them, I'm just a stupid man who obviously doesn't know anything at all :rolleyes: "
Take your blood money.
Culture Junky
14-07-2003, 10:04
No Dave you're not a stupid man, men are not stupid, and in my posts I didn't mean to imply that if I did.
Men have lots of positive points! I am a firm believer in that Men and Women are equal. Both sexes can be dull when they go on about who's superior in the stupid battle of the sexes stuff that goes on.
Everybody is certainly equal on this forum. I love this forum, its the most intelligent place to be! :D
Originally posted by Dave
[B]I did have an intelligent argument written but then I though "Ah, what's the point? It won't make sense to any of them, I'm just a stupid man who obviously doesn't know anything at all :rolleyes: "
Oh, bugger it Dave, you always have this way of making me feel like a bully.:P I was totally interested in what you were going to say (so much so that I'm writing this at work which is a bit of a scary thing as I'm new and don't know whether fd-ing is really allowed. Look, that's dedication and dave-love for you). Stop crying into your pint of real ale and tell us what you think! (or not, if you just can't be arsed:D)
Sorry if I've come across totally acidic or sounding as if I'm having a go, in this and the other post, I don't mean to at all. I'll try harder in future, cos I think I actually put people off discussion. Which is shit.
*kisses Dave*
swelegant
15-07-2003, 11:07
Originally posted by Perdita
Sorry if I've come across totally acidic or sounding as if I'm having a go, in this and the other post, I don't mean to at all. I'll try harder in future, cos I think I actually put people off discussion. Which is shit.
No no no, you're lovely :)
I don't actually drink Real Ale. The story comes from a biography once written about me (what an ego trip)
Dave- A well presented young gentleman who accepts no responsibility for anyone else. Born in Chelmsford, an Essex girl, he enjoys healthy pursuits such as running (away from the police according to our man in the know, Andy), jumping, drinking and singing in the woods with other real ale drinkers. At one point recently many visiting Germans felt that he was a white supremacist because of his shaven head and leather attire, though this is not true. At all. And he didn't shout at them. Ever. He has been a non consenting member of a local political party, although this was set up purely for profit. Open to any offers of casual sex, bestiality or even a 'woman'... whatever that is.
Pardon me for that. I do enjoy throwing that in.
You see, I just get the impression that alot of the arguments here are based on big ol' assumptions and interpretations. I don't mean that in a demeaning way and yes, tabloids do tend to promote the male sexuality myth, but I still think the whole taboo around the idea of the slag is based on different interpretations by different sexes.
If you're a man you can go into work on a Monday and when asked what you were doing at the weekend say "I was getting laid in Cropredy" (Or wherever it was) and recieve no more than a nod, and know that it's not going to affect your reputation, despite the commonly held belief amongst the chattering workforce that your boast was "bullshit".
Do you know, I've forgotton where my argument was going. :rolleyes:
Am I a prude?
I'm male and I find the thought of casual sex repulsive. I also think kissing is boring, It's only good if its with someone you care about.
:confused:
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
... that's the sound of a huge fucking babe magnet!
MrsCarbohydrate
16-07-2003, 13:19
Originally posted by Void
Am I a prude?
I'm male and I find the thought of casual sex repulsive. I also think kissing is boring, It's only good if its with someone you care about.
:confused:
nah, you're not a prude. I wouldn't say i find it repulsive, but i don't believe in having casual sex. I generally don't care what other people get up to, but personally, i wouldn't want to have sex with someone i didn't care about. I think it's because i'm shy, and i find it difficult to trust people, and i certainly wouldn't want some random stranger seeing me naked!
Hmm.. maybe I'M just a prude ;)
Originally posted by Thomas
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
... that's the sound of a huge fucking babe magnet!
hahahahahahahaha!!!:D
r.e.v.o.l.l.o.v.e.r
16-07-2003, 20:03
Originally posted by Perdita
What do you think? Am I just a slag?:D
Yes, you are a slag.
Then again, I'm pure as driven snow...
*coughs*
Luv, Ash xxx
Anyway, Dave, course there's loads of generalisations made, I think most of the discussion on here is based on generalisation cos there isn't the time or will to do a properly empirical study on the matter on a forum reply, plus in my experience peopole just don't bother reading posts that you've put time, research and effort into. *sniff* . but yeah, will stop generalising. Just gets boring to write the IMHOs and the AFAIKs and the like.
Thankyou, Ash, btw. I know you love me that way. I'd better start reclaiming the word slag.:D
Culture Junky
17-07-2003, 13:06
Void You're not weird! At least I don't think you are. I personally wouldn't want casual sex either, I don't think I'd be able to let myself go and be far too shy aswell to be myself at my most vulnerable. Which if you think about it you are when you're going to have/having sex with somebody. It's the most personal thing a human being can do...some people go for it others like to keep themselves to themselves and just share themself with somebody they love and care about.
I waited for my boyfriend to come along before I did it for the first time, and although the first time wasn't perfect (is it for anybody!) I love and adore him and it feels special to me every time. Some people like the physical thing and detach themselves from it, others I think take advantage of the fact that sex with somebody you love can be mindblowing and wonderful.
I've nowt against people who have casual sex, if it makes you happy then fine, as long as you're careful when you do.:cool:
Originally posted by Perdita
Anyway, Dave, course there's loads of generalisations made, I think most of the discussion on here is based on generalisation cos there isn't the time or will to do a properly empirical study on the matter on a forum reply, plus in my experience peopole just don't bother reading posts that you've put time, research and effort into. *sniff* . but yeah, will stop generalising. Just gets boring to write the IMHOs and the AFAIKs and the like.
Thankyou, Ash, btw. I know you love me that way. I'd better start reclaiming the word slag.:D
Well, I put enough time and effort in to reading yours that I noticed you'd misspelt "people" in that last post, or that might be because I go spare at spelling mistakes.
Incidentally, I love being called a slag. It gives the impression that I've actually had sex ;) :D
r.e.v.o.l.l.o.v.e.r
17-07-2003, 23:26
Originally posted by Dave
Well, I put enough time and effort in to reading yours that I noticed you'd misspelt "people" in that last post, or that might be because I go spare at spelling mistakes.
Incidentally, I love being called a slag. It gives the impression that I've actually had sex ;) :D
Hoi Dave...
SLAG!
Luv, Ash xxx
fancying someone is when u wanna fuck someone senseless
baphomet_irl
18-07-2003, 16:10
fancying some1 is when u cant talk properly the first time you meet them...
Fancying someone is when you merely find someone attractive or when you find yourself fantasing about them and struggle to keep your hands off them when you see them. The latter is known as infatuation which is seen by some killjoys as dangerous. However fortunately not everyone who gets infatuated becomes a stalker. Most just act in a slightly embarassing way.
Infatuation can lead to two people getting together to form a relationship which may or may not last. In fact Tony Campolo once said that there was no difference between infatuation and "being in love". You can love somebody but it is the infatuation which causes the passion in the relationship. You don't really know somebody properly until you marry them so all couples in love are really infatuated with each other.
If the object of your affections doesn't feel an attraction towards you then it is known as "unrequited love". A nice term.
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