Did you get bullied in school? [Archive] - Forever Delayed

Nicola17

10-03-2008, 23:34

Never physically, but I was always the slightly weird child who everyone else used to ignore. There was a girl in primary school who seemed to genuinely enjoy making my life a misery - but never in an obvious way, just bitchy comments and purposely leaving me out of things, so the teachers always thought that I was just over-reacting when I was crying over something she said or did - and I spent a lot of time crying.

There was another girl in high school who did a very similar thing - we were good friends to start with, and she hated me having other friends so I came to rely on her as my only friend, so when she turned against me (I suspect due to the fact that I wasn't '"cool" enough for her, and that I did better than her in most of our end-of-year-exams) I was left with no one - particularly as she then spent the rest of the year bitching about me to absolutely everyone she met. Looking back, I almost feel sorry for her - she had a very difficult home life whereas mine was pretty much perfect so I suspect there was a certain amount of envy there, though she made my life a misery for several years. I have very few memories of the first couple of years of secondary school because I've managed to block them all from my memory. Thankfully, some people in my class were able to see through her lies and they're still some of my best friends now.

So I was bullied, though I'm still not really comfortable using that term because I know compared to many people I got off relatively lightly, most people just ignored me (not maliciously, but I was really shy and didn't speak to anyone). I'm at a good university and I have many friends now, although I wonder if the fact that I'm scared of getting too close to people and my continual single-ness is a result of the fact that it was the person who I thought was my best friend who turned on me and tried to alienate me from the rest of the school.

tzb

10-03-2008, 23:38

I got physically bullied a lot until I basically hit a few people very hard in middle school, but verbal bullied/excluded/belittled through til 6th form when I was more conscious of who I was (and who the bullies were) and could rise above it. It was quite bad at some points though, I don't really remember much about the time because I did virtually nothing but stay at home and play megadrive so as not to give them any specific ammo

StrawberryWine

10-03-2008, 23:38

i got bullied for my poor spelling in thread titles.

real answer coming later.

Cuppa

10-03-2008, 23:48

In secondary school yeah. I never think about it now which is probably just as well.

mank

10-03-2008, 23:52

i was bullied to an extent that i dropped out of school six months before the end as i couldn't face going back.

generally it wasn't physical as i was capable of standing up for myself, being a big fat oaf and all. seven years of verbal abuse, mental disintegration and piss-taking took it's toll and my self-confidence is pretty much non-existent as a result.

unfortunately, i was a little bit of a bully myself. i'm quite ashamed of it but nevertheless, it's a vicious cycle and i got caught in it.

dreamweaver

10-03-2008, 23:52

yes, badly. In my first primary school I was physically attacked most days.
We moved and i still got bullied, one girl used to follow me everynight and attack me. I got called the usually of fat and ugly.
In secondary school i got that but worse, culminating in one event going to court. yeh, so, school was crap :(

ManicKev

10-03-2008, 23:55

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that didn't get bullied at school.
I was one of the people in the middle between those who were popular/coolest and those who were bullied.

Although saying that a lot of my mates left school in fourth year meaning I was kinda without a lot of proper friends. Me and a couple of mates then just stuck in a wee group ourselves for the most part of fifth and sixth year. As a result of that we were kinda osctricised a wee bit, but I wouldn't call it bullying. It was never nasty, just general piss taking but I'd imagine some people thought we were weirdos. 1st to 4th year at high school was definitely better.

Daniel

10-03-2008, 23:59

I was never bullied, but in Primary School I was a bully. Not to such a horrific extent, but more of a sidekick to the main bully. I was pretty easily led and my best mate in Primary school was an absolute arsehole, I know i said i wasn't bullied, but i think i was but i wasn't really aware of it. He used to kick me about and my mam would ask me where all my bruises came from. Anyway, he used to be really nasty to this girl in our class who had no friends, and basically i just went along with it because I was a bit dumb. I didn't really start thinking about it until years later, and when i reflect i feel really, really bad about it.
Last year I went to get my bus pass renewed and i was sure i recognised the girl, and then i realised it was her, and then someone called her by her name and i was sure. It was a pretty profound moment really, cos she gave me a look of recognition, and must have saw my name on my bus pass. It was good because i looked like an absolute tramp and she was absolutely stunningly gorgeous. I hope she has a bloody good life.

TheSilentMan

11-03-2008, 00:00

Hm, not really. I think at the first primary school I went to, I wasn't bullied as such, but I didn't really have many friends there either. It didn't help that it was an uber-Catholic school, and I fucking hated it anyway. There were a few people who were a bit of a shit to me, but it wasn't really 'bullying'.

Then I moved to another primary school when I was 8 (as my parents realised I was bloody sick of being religiously indocrinated), and that wasn't religious and shit. After an initial shaky first few months when it was a case of 'lol, new kid', I soon got a loada good friends, and it was great and I had no problems.

Secondary school, the first one of them (in Devon, years 7-9) were a little lame for the first year, as I fell out with my old best mate who'd been there since primary school, and then fucked up at making friends with some other classmates and some were knobbish to me. However, there were enough people in other classes I got on with, and it was never 'bullying'. Then in late year 8, and all through year 9, the 'cool kids' in my year (ie. the ones who usually hung out with 'older kids', and were already drug dealing and being 'bad' and whatnot) randomly started becoming friendly with me, and things became a load better, as I was instantly elevated from vague social misfit, to someone within a massive social group of people that everyone else in the school year 'respected' and whatnot, and my life became a load of amusing 14-year-old drinking and smoking with them, and a guy who was a couple of years older than me who started introducing me to a lot of music. That was quite fun.

Then I moved to Bolton, and had to start over AGAIN! This was by far the best school experience. Ages 14/15 to 18, and I settled in with people loads better than I had before, and because it was an urban area, and not the shitty countryside of Devon, there was way more scope for socialising with people outside of school. I didn't have a single problem as a teen, as I had 2 main groups of friends - the total geeks who loved computers/games, the rock/metal-oriented people, and I got on fine with all the football jocks too randomly, so no-one, ever, gave me any crap.

That was quite fun, I've not really thought about my schooldays for a long time. Basic crux of the post: never physically bullied in the slightest. Got a handful of verbal bullying at some stages, but nothing particularly bad, but was occasionally shoved to the bottom of the social ladder.

ManicKev

11-03-2008, 00:01

Brave of you to admit it Daniel.
Looks like she had the last laugh:p

Lindseyn

11-03-2008, 00:08

Yep, all through high school. My life was hell, and it made me have no self confidence/low self esteem for a few years after.

Shane

11-03-2008, 00:14

Through primary school was really bad I had to move school in the end and the first couple years of secondary school were quite bad, but I think I am lucky to have come away a very confident person generally, as it really seems to knock back many people throughout life :(

sofarsideways

11-03-2008, 00:14

It was constant and absolutely wrecking for me. Primary school up until first year of college. Too much to write and I don't really want to write it... I just wanted to say something because so many people still don't take it seriously or even notice, especially with girls. They were so clever and so cruel. The two worst instances were with one girl from years 4-6 and a group of three or four from years 7-10.

No-one ever saw what was going on with me, or if they noticed something wrong they put it back on me - for instance, saying I was causing trouble in class when I was being made fun of for not being able to see the board from where I'd been sat, or implying that perhaps I should go and see a head doctor because the thing near the desk I'm terrified of but can't name is clearly the pot-plant, not the girl who sat nearby.

I look back and honestly - particularly with the girl from years 4-7 - I have absolutely no idea how I coped. I was petrified of the phone in case it was her calling, developed a constant nervous cough, left every lesson several times to go and cry in the toilets, and I barely ever spoke. She literally controlled me for those years, every single thing I did. If things with her had gone on - she went to another secondary school, thankfully, but didn't let me go without a struggle and a 'stay away from me' letter - then I don't know if I could have held up.

And I know that many people still think all these things were down to me, some intrinsic thing that caused people to act like this towards me. The people who were meant to protect and help me just made everything worse. For instance if your special needs statement is because you can't see, idiotic year heads shouldn't be adding supposed behavioural issues to it which they perceive through second-hand narrow few-minute observations... wherein you were actually too scared to talk to the girl in your group, because she was bullying the living hell out of you, not because you were selfish and didn't want to take her opinions of the work onboard. Etc.

Needless to say I haven't gotten over it all, perhaps I should, but perhaps I can't just yet. These experiences have moulded me so much as a person and are still affecting me, and not because I choose to cling to them. It's just how it is. I'm so shy and awkward and self-depriative and subservient it's almost laughable. Someday I hope to move on and rise above but at the moment I'm not there. Instead I'm being vague about it on a message board. Me for the win?

Woah, apologies for the essay there. :scared:

*lisa simpson*

11-03-2008, 00:17

erm, yeah, i guess i did but not til quite late on - 4th year onwards i guess. also it was never outright, it was just extreme bitchiness. i mean, a girls' boarding school is never going to be the friendliest of places but when i was there i really did take most of it from my classmates, so yes, i suppose i was. it didn't help that i was seriously depressed a lot of the time, and then the pills i got given made me have my first full blown manic episode - it just gave them fuel that i was just losing it.

Nicola17

11-03-2008, 00:24

StrawberryWine

11-03-2008, 00:26

a girls' boarding school is never going to be the friendliest of places

that phrase sort of sums up my schooling life until university.

apart from the usual bitchiness that comes when you stick loads of girls together for a long period of time, for a large part of my schooling life i was, for lack of a more articulate word, rather strange (not the faux-eccentric type, you understand, just more-than-slightly imbalanced), which of course just provided even more fuel for the bullies. i did, however, have a small group of friends at the last school i attended (at which i spent the longest time at - three years) as well as a fairly constant and wonderful set of friends outside school.

the only bullying memory that really sticks out, apart from some of the more violent physical attacks, is when for a period of four months or so i was referred to as "the orphan" by a large group of girls. it shouldn't still bother me years on, but it does.

Locke

11-03-2008, 00:38

Both verbally and physically, yeah. Funnily enough, the beatings I could handle, it was the verbal stuff that really depressed me. I remember one instance, this boy basically outed me to the entire class. I was such a little mess of a human back then too, so I couldn't cope with stuff like that.

I like to think it's all behind me now, though. I've pretty much moved on, and I'm a different person. Still got some war wounds, however - namely a huge bloody bump in my schnoz. I like look at it more as a testament to my character than a bodily imperfection. Honest.

hummingbird

11-03-2008, 00:43

I was lucky..i was never bullied at primary or secondary school. I'd fall out with other kids and get into rows but it never escalated into anything serious.

user3837

11-03-2008, 00:58

yeah i got a few smacks and a good few slaggins for red hair + glasses

ingvild

11-03-2008, 01:03

The results of the poll - and the posts within the thread - sadden me. No one deserves to be bullied. I would love for some of the bullies to realise just how much of a misery they made people's lives, and just to experience for a day what it's like to feel that the entire world is against you with no where you can turn to support - because you're too embarrassed/ashamed/scared - but sadly I doubt many of them do ever realise the effect they had.

I second your concern, looking back at the rows I had with some people...it hurts to think about, and I'm frankly quite scared of what my younger relatives (and possible future kids if I decide to have them) will have to go through while growing up. I have no idea how to warn them, and no advice as to how to deal with it. And the fact that teachers have very little power to make a difference in this matter dosen't help, at least I can't remember the help I got from my teachers making any difference.

sofarsideways, thank you for sharing your experiences, I'm so sorry you had to go through such extensive abuse.

Thanks to everyone else who have posted so far too.

Gates

11-03-2008, 01:09

A bit, yeah. Never physical, just some verbal but it wasn't too bad. I just was ignored a lot, which was fine with me because I was ridiculously shy and withdrawn for many years, and kinda nervous and wary of the other kids. I basically never spoke unless spoken to, and was quite odd I guess. I came out of myself a bit when I got to fifteen, and then more and more so ever since. There was a weird group of popular girls in secondary school who alternated between being total bitches to me and basically bullying me a bit, and seemingly trying to befriend me. Weird. Oh well. I didn't have many friends at all in school, but am a lot better off now in that respect, so I guess it's all come good.

Gates

11-03-2008, 01:15

Simon

11-03-2008, 01:34

I was quite small for my age in school so could be a target for bullies. Thing is I was a mouthy fucker and quite funny so people generally liked me. If anyone tried anything with me I could usually verbally defend myself pretty easily.

walpolian87

11-03-2008, 01:45

Through primary and secondary school I was verbally bullied and sometimes kicked the shit out of. It never affected me too much at home cos I wrapped myself up in my own world.

In high school I was bullied a little but I found it difficult to differentiate between bullying and having a laugh. I hung around with a couple of cunts for a while and some of their horrible ways rubbed off on me slightly but they had left by mid-year 8 and I became a guy who wanted to make people laugh and make everyone feel good about themselves. Still got the odd bit of stick over how I looked from vain girls but mostly ignored it.

In college I was bullied a little but that was just the odd remark from tosspots. I haven't been bullied thus far at uni.

P.S. Daniel, I respect you greatly for admitting to have once been a bully. I am sorry to hear about people's stories of being bullied too, especially sofarsideways.

nylonbits

11-03-2008, 01:52

Yes...secondary 2 and 3. It was never physical though since I went to an all-girls school. I was good friends with this popular girl (she was popular because people thought she was funny, and she was very smart-academically) until there was one time I got the highest mark in Biology instead of her. Very silly...so afterwards she started backlashing against me and told the entire form to ignore me. It was basically Mean Girls but without the funny parts. It was a miserable time and I cried a lot and people would only laugh at me. I left for boarding school after secondary 3 so basically left without any good memories from that school. Actually people still think it was only a silly gesture on her part and I shouldn't have taken it so seriously. It still pains me when I think about it though.

I think she was very insecure because she used to tell me her parents only paid attention to her brother so it was really important to excel in her academics. She has a nice boyfriend and is graduating from Cambridge this year...so I'd assume she's satisfied with her life. We greet each other whenever we meet but that's pretty much the end of conversation...

TheSilentMan

11-03-2008, 01:54

In college I was bullied a little but that was just the odd remark from tosspots. I haven't been bullied thus far at uni

People get bullied at uni? I figured that by the time anyone got to uni, they're generally mature enough not to be a 'bully'. If people don't like someone, they'll just ignore them and not hang out with them in the first place, whereas at school people are shoved together day in, day out for long periods of time whether they like one another or not, thus bullying's a much higher occurrence.

To be honest, even when I was in 6th form, I really can't say that a single person in the year was a bully or a victim of bullying - people just weren't that dickish. There were unpopular people without many friends, or people that got the piss taken out of them a bit, but there wasn't any real victimisation as far as I recall.

And teen girls are definitely bitchier than the lads. Tales you hear of female bullies are generally way more intense than the male ones, in my experience.

Gates

11-03-2008, 02:06

People get bullied at uni? I figured that by the time anyone got to uni, they're generally mature enough not to be a 'bully'. If people don't like someone, they'll just ignore them and not hang out with them in the first place, whereas at school people are shoved together day in, day out for long periods of time whether they like one another or not, thus bullying's a much higher occurrence.

To be honest, even when I was in 6th form, I really can't say that a single person in the year was a bully or a victim of bullying - people just weren't that dickish. There were unpopular people without many friends, or people that got the piss taken out of them a bit, but there wasn't any real victimisation as far as I recall.

And teen girls are definitely bitchier than the lads. Tales you hear of female bullies are generally way more intense than the male ones, in my experience.

Ha, some mad bitch tried to bully me at uni, she was and is a deranged tyrant. I just told her to go fuck herself basically and now she ignores me, which is fine by me.

Oh definitely, I think girls can be much crueller than lads.

tzb

11-03-2008, 02:20

Plenty of bullying goes on at uni, particularly in halls. Popular types usually bullying the people who didn't go to uni so they could go clubbing on the cheap

If I sound bitter I'm not, sadly I was quite liked by the popular crowd in my halls. I was a residential adviser in my third year and had to physically break up 3 fights, all of which were down to people reacting to niggling bullying behaviour. It's a rough time if you've never lived away from home so it's to be expected, really.

But there is a lot of pressure to conform to drinking, clubbing and maybe drugs depending on the crowd. More than school sometimes because the sheer variety of people and experience means almost everyone has something new to them to try and live up to (if that's how they perceive it - and it can be hard not to when you're desperate to make friends in a completely new environment) unlike at school where you're all coming from the same area and similar background.

dailegs11

11-03-2008, 02:29

Oh I think Bullying still happens. You work in my workplace and all it is, is another form of bullying. I know I bang on about it but this bloody government is bullying people into believing we're seriously under fucking attack from terrorism. Back on track, but the managers are forever asking "what you doing with that, Why isn't this shop full, why aren't there two of you serving?" Something you'd only understand by working in a supermarket's petrol station I suppose. But yeah I think Bullying happens everywhere, I was having a chat with my colleague, and close friend, earlier about this. And it seems that even now people I know are still getting bullied. I hear of people getting tales told about the place, and rumours spread. So much to the extent you can't stand to see the person. Sad but true.

As for the answer, I was bullied, probably not as bad as some but here goes my attempt at pity.

Being too tall for your age and skinny kinda leaves you a walking target really. I never had any hand eye coordination, couldn't catch fuck all and still can't. So sports ruled me out of ever getting popular. Always the last picked as i'm sure you can imagine. I tried to be popular, which is possibly one of the worst things you can do. I remember once in Gym about 14, having an open goal infront of me, and stumbling over the ball two yards out. The ribbing I had. Had clothes thrown throw a puddle of mud. you know the mud you get just after a puddle of ice has just broken? Also about the same time, I had a charity ticket's I sold as a job, exploited and thought I was doing good. Anyhow, one night, came accross this bloke who was about 2 years older than me. Total Junkie, you know the type. Told me to give him the tickets, or you know. So I did, after a while arguing and trying to stand up, then some little hencebitch came across and snatched them and threw them down the drain. I went home tried smiling but ended up bawling my eyes out, and my mother, and my friend from school, although being a bully of sorts, told him to fuck off and leave me alone and then we tried retrieving them. wasn't fun walking past him in school then. Funnily enough my friend who stuck up for me broke my wrist a few years later. I was running past him and he stuck out his foot. Down I went. He apologised later.
Anyhow, i'm rambling on here but you can see what sorta things however small can actually make you feel like a victim.

Simple things like being a spotty unpopular git, can leave you cold when you actually become what you are now, a bit more confident and better looking. Still I have no self confidence. Years of being thrown about like a guitar tend to do that to you. I could go on about other things that happened, but I shant.

MissHanna

11-03-2008, 02:59

In my form there were 7 of us who were 'mates'. if we had to work in pairs, this one girl was left out all the time, but she would always try so hard to please us all and would keep on hanging out with us, even though we were complete bitches.

being 12/13, we fell out quite a bit and would often gang up on one or two in the group, taking the piss, not speaking to them etc. then our form teacher would keep us back and have a word as the girl had gone crying to her. we'd always make friends. at some point throughout Y7 and Y8, this happened to all the others in the group at least once...except me. I was never singled out. Sure, I had the piss taken out of me for stupid things, but this never bothered me. Don't know what would have happened if i had shown i was bothered by it all - maybe i would have been singled out too. But it never happened.

Looking back on it, I remember encouraging the other girls when it came to picking on the others. I'd actively try and keep the isolation of another girl up as long as possible. I'd play the others off against each other, manipulating them as much as I could so that there was always a girl who would be viewed more negatively than the rest for whatever reason. I honestly have no idea why I did this. Maybe it was to preserve my own status in the group, ensuring that I had enough support so that I would never be singled out. I was never the obvious 'ring leader' so to speak. There were others far more vocal than me at that time. But I was always there in the background, providing the encouragement and whispers needed to fuel motives for bullying.

Anyway, this played to my advantage until Y9 when i went against the others. We sat on a table of 6 in a science class, and the girl who was left out was upset that day. Don't know if it was because of us or other reasons. Anyway, I left the table and went to sit with her. During the lesson, the others started being bitchy to me. The next class was PE and I walked up the field to the other building with this one girl, knowing that the others would be bitching. In the changing rooms, they made the girl i was with cry and I stood up to them. Can't remember what I said, but they didn't expect someone to talk back to them after we had spent the past two years getting away with being really bitchy to each other and nobody would speak out against it, so a teacher would have to get involved. This was the first time it had happened and it shut them up. later in the lesson, the girls started being nice to me and the other girl and apologised to us. That was when I stopped hanging around with them.

Me and that girl made friends with people in different forms and had a really good time in the last few years at school. the other girl stayed in their same group. I don't speak to them anymore, haven't done since school. But I'm still really good friends with the one girl I stood up for.

Not sure what this all means...yeah, I was the bully. I probably was the worst out of the lot of us as I kept the shit stirring going and made sure the bullying always continued and made sure nobody would single me out. But I stood up to the bullies in the end.

So, not all bullies are bad :good:

Flint

11-03-2008, 03:43

I was bullied somewhat. I was an easy target in general because I'm shy, quiet, wussy, often a bit in my own world and do not give a flying shit about MANLY MAN RARR things like sports, but the thing that really gave me fuckloads of slander was the fact that I couldn't pronounce the letter 'R' for ages (particularly painful when your own name has that letter). Eventually I fixed that (and actually got some weird congratulations from some of my bullies o.O) but I still remained as an easy target, especially at PE lessons where all the kids who were great at sports tended to look down on me and make my PE lessons often miserable (especially in hockey, which has made me hate the game even more). And despite there being even worse players than me around, I got the stick because I wasn't in the clique.

There was never any physical beating though, they knew well enough they'd just get caught. The biggest thing they did was stealing my keys and hide them in the backpack of one of my friends. The general attitude towards me was a lot more hurtful though but meh.

I did get payback once though, I completely owned a lot of them by surprise when we played badminton once - something I play a lot with my mother. I think I would've actually had the chance to win the whole mini tourney we did, but I gave up deliberately and just went into the shower room to relax with my friends. I sort of regret that, but at least I got a reward: I still remember the look on my worst bully's face though when the sad pathetic geek twat is suddenly ahead in score with a massive lead :D.

I guess I sort of did a wee payback by being somewhat of an ass towards one of my classmates along with my other friends - we often teased him - but I'm not happy about it and the older we grew the more I just stayed quiet in those situations.

TheSilentMan

11-03-2008, 06:17

^

I never really understood the whole concept of people bullying others for being shit at sport. I was always shit at sport when I was at school (always enjoyed it casually, but I was shit at absolutely everything except badminton/tennis, which I only played outside of school anyway), and I was always a little overweight and pretty unfit. So what?

If someone were to say "lol, you're shit cos you don't take sport hella seriously and you suck at them!", then it wasn't gonna make me feel shit. I had other interests, and didn't care I sucked at sport as it wasn't exactly like I *tried* at sport, so wasn't too fussed if I failed. I just had a laugh being shit at all sports. Sure, I didn't get picked first for any teams, but no-one was gonna give me shit about it either cos it wouldn't provoke a reaction anyway.

But there is a lot of pressure to conform to drinking, clubbing and maybe drugs depending on the crowd. More than school sometimes because the sheer variety of people and experience means almost everyone has something new to them to try and live up to (if that's how they perceive it - and it can be hard not to when you're desperate to make friends in a completely new environment) unlike at school where you're all coming from the same area and similar background.

Hm, it's weird, I think I've completely bypassed the general mainstream of student culture. Maybe it's cos at uni I hang out with more predominantly 'alternative' types in general, people I know are always really really accepting of everyone's lifestyle choices, and no-one gives a damn what others do/have done. I'll regularly hang round with a big group of people who are all entirely different: metalheads, punks, goths, rockers, folkies, pagans, christians, jews, atheists, socialists, conservatives, foreigners, gays, straights, students, non-students, people 10-15 years older, fat/thin people, exercise junkies, layabouts, pissheads, tee-totallers, druggies ... we're really quite a diverse bunch! Unless someone's actually a cock then there's never any unwarranted shit ever directed at anyone, and thus I figured that all student social groups were like that, cos that's all I've experienced really.

Can some mod please change the thread title so 'bullied' is spelt correctly? It makes my skin crawl whenever I see it.

Flint

11-03-2008, 06:39

I never really understood the whole concept of people bullying others for being shit at sport.
Considering most of my PE lesson bullies were the sort of people who live, breathe, eat and think nothing but sports, I don't think it fit in their tiny minds that someone might not share their passion. And because the guy's an easy target and the PE teacher doesn't give a shit, why not slander him a bit, why not make him feel uncomfortable by really attacking gameplay towards him...

I'm not the sort of person who can easily stand up for himself or ignore certain things, so I guess it's partially my fault that it continued, or affected me the way it did. I didn't get depressed or anything, but PE lessons were pretty much a weekly two-hour of SHIT.

A Forest

11-03-2008, 06:44

I was bullied by one boy in primary school practically every schoolday from the third year on. It was verbal bullying, and it happened mainly during classes, which is the oddest thing as the teacher let it happen. Maybe it was because I snapped back and did everything not to show how much it hurt me, or maybe he was just enjoying the situation. I think the bully hated me because he admired a girl who moved to our school in the third year, I was the top pupil and she was probably trying to be one. Whatever, that wasn't important to me because I wasn't competing against anyone. The bully used to shout abuse at me practically every time I gave a correct answer or got the best result in tests, which used to happen all the time, and eventually I got really tired and started to skip school a lot. Fortunately he failed the last year of primary school and didn't continue in my class. However, the damage had been done already, and at secondary school I became an underachiever and generally very rebellious because I was scared that history might repeat itself. Those weren't the only consequenses though, my self-esteem was really low for years and I was distressed and nervous all the time.

When I was 21 my ex-bully came to speak me in a pub and asked if I could forgive him for him being such an arsehole at school. I forgave him, he had been a disturbed kid and the teacher really should have intervened in it instead of letting it go on and on.

Dancing May Girl

11-03-2008, 07:00

Most of my school days I was bullied verbally. I was a fat, geeky and weird girl so the perfect target. I also came from the other end of the town as the only one from the class. Sure, I did stupid things but my family background was quite chaotic and horrible but didn't get any help from teachers. So for 11 years I wasn't invited to parties (Oh the excuses they made for that), singled out in PE or the whole backstabbing thing. I rebelled against that and the stupid unofficial rules of the school constantly.

I did however bully a teacher with the other girls. At that point it was 'find the weak' mentality that teenage girls sometimes have. I am not proud of that at all as we really fucked him up. The schools I went to were not pleasant at all as teachers bullied us too so it was almost constantly war. Also we had to deal with male teachers being far tii interested in checing out the girls showers after PE etc.

Last year I went to a course and was bullied again. THis time it was the good old 'How dare she know something about this when she doesn't have the education I do' etc. I trashed several medic students and nurse students at the exam and was ignored completely. Turned their back to me, didn't ask how it went even though I had been very happy for them etc. The older you get the more sinister bullying can get.

A Forest

11-03-2008, 07:26

relic

11-03-2008, 08:26

I was bullied, but I was so introspective and anti-social that I didn't know that it was happening. At nursery school and my first primary school I was fine, but when I moved to a new primary school when we moved house I became a bit of an outcast, I didn't fit in with any of the groups. I knew I was very unhappy, and I went to sleep most nights praying that I wouldn't wake up, but I would never have guessed that it was because I was being bullied. I didn't have any friends for five years, and I didn't understand why. My understanding was that bullying involved physical violence, I had no comprehension of how girls work. To be honest, I still don't, I'll happily admit that I'm socially undeveloped and not very good at interacting with other women in that way.

When I went to secondary school, I made some new friends, but the main culprit from primary school was still there, posing as my 'best friend'. At secondary school she got a bit more violent, especially when we were alone, and if I made new friends she tried to get in with that group to isolate me again. Looking back I can see that she'd effectively colonised me, she was dependent on my submission to her, which continued throughout secondary school, to the extent that on the way to enrol for A levels, she persuaded me to drop the ones that I wanted to do, so she wouldn't be the only girl doing sciences.

The bullying, and her hold on me, weakened when I started going out with boys. It was an area that she was helpless in, as she was unsure of herself where boys were concerned. I got on with the opposite sex like a house on fire, I felt understood, and that I had more in common with them than with most girls. They were active, they had hobbies, and when and if they put me down, they were blunt and unsubtle enough that even I recognised it and was able to deal with it. Although for the next two years I was still in class with the girl who'd tormented me for nine years, the rest of the class was made up of boys who liked me and protected me. Sixth form was much happier than the previous few years, and when I went to Uni and left her behind completely, I really found my confidence and was really happy for the first time.

I last saw her in 1986, she asked if she could stay with me for a few days in the house I shared with other postgrads in Manchester. She instantly started to put me in my old place, ignored my requests that she not smoke in my bedroom, and stole food from my housemates. I asked her to leave after 24 hours, and I've not heard from her since.

Darklife

11-03-2008, 08:41

I used to get bullied for stuttering

live to fall asleep

11-03-2008, 09:00

I got bullied at primary school - nothing serious, pretty much how Nicola17 described it - as being the slightly weird girl that everyone used to ignore. Again there was one girl who used to make life miserable, by hiding my things and trying to get me into trouble. Oh an wearing glasses - name calling of everytype for that one :rolleyes: I used to be ill a lot so i wouldn't have to go to school and see her, or it was a relief when she wasn't in school. eventually she moved schools which made things easier.

I think it was worse at primary school, but continued on a lower level at my middle and senior schools...nothing nasty, but enough to make me feel like an outsider a lot of the time.

This really only stoped when i had a few close friends in my last few years at school, and we used to ignore everyone else! Uni was great - i made some really close friends, and was never really made to feel that i was an outsider/insignifcant by anyone that i met there.

Work's been ok. I wish that i had reported my first boss for a couple of the things that she said to me, as they were so out of order, but now i don't work for her it's great.

It's so awful that all these great people got bullied :(

lovesean4ever

11-03-2008, 09:03

my boss bullied my colleague until she had no option but to leave cos she literally drove her out, despite taking the matter higher up the ladder and trying to sort it out. That's not right surely

socialist cook

11-03-2008, 09:24

I wore glasses, got on with teachers and got As all the time, so for the first two years of secondary school a couple of boys tried to bully me.

This was me in primary school, secondary school and sixth form.

The worse aspect of it was that the bullies at secondary school used to get the same bus home as me. (My secondary school was about 5 miles away from my house.) I ended up changing buses and having to walk for miles to avoid the bus that they used to travel on.

It's funny this thread came up because the other day I was talking with a friend at University who said that she'd never been bullied and I said "I've not known anyone before who has never been bullied."

The other thing she said that was that the first time she met me she was quite apprehensive of me because I seemed so confident.:lol: We've been friends for four years and she now knows that's quite a facade!

Miss Oceania

11-03-2008, 09:36

At primary and intermediate school I was never bullied as I was part of the "in" crowd thanks to my association with my next door neighbours Vicky and Jacqui, who were both beautiful and intelligent. When I went to high school I was seperated from them in classes, so no longer had that protection and ended up in a form group with a bunch of bullies. I mostly managed to stay off their radars, but eventually had to take my turn at their hands and was subjected to verbal and physical abuse, and they also decided it would be funny to put bits of dissected mouse in my pencil case during science class (this was when I was semi-vege so was particularly harrowing). It was pretty much divided on a geeks vs slackers basis, and I was a geek until sixth form. Luckily I had a great bunch of friends outside of my form group, so could escape to them at break time. I consider what I experienced to be very minor compared to what other people have been through. It was horrible to go through at the time, but it wasn't persistent and it hasn't dented my confidence. I really feel for those of you who suffered terribly from it at school.

MANICJAZZ

11-03-2008, 09:49

I was bullied all through school, it only really stopped in 6th form but even then people still took the piss a bit.
A major factors that led me to being bullied were because I wanted to be educated, because I was the little kid and believe it or not my Manics fandom

MSPKYE

11-03-2008, 11:10

I was in comprehensive school, one of the reasons my attendance was so bad, I'd feign illness to get out of going. It wasn't a constant thing and mostly confined to just teasing, name calling etc, mainly cause I was short and just different to most my friends. It got to it's worse when I was thrown down a huge grass banking and sprained my wrist and a few weeks after that I was chucked head first into the common room bin, oh I went home from school in tears that day.

Nicola17

11-03-2008, 11:28

I was bullied, but I was so introspective and anti-social that I didn't know that it was happening. At nursery school and my first primary school I was fine, but when I moved to a new primary school when we moved house I became a bit of an outcast, I didn't fit in with any of the groups. I knew I was very unhappy, and I went to sleep most nights praying that I wouldn't wake up, but I would never have guessed that it was because I was being bullied. I didn't have any friends for five years, and I didn't understand why. My understanding was that bullying involved physical violence, I had no comprehension of how girls work. To be honest, I still don't, I'll happily admit that I'm socially undeveloped and not very good at interacting with other women in that way.

When I went to secondary school, I made some new friends, but the main culprit from primary school was still there, posing as my 'best friend'. At secondary school she got a bit more violent, especially when we were alone, and if I made new friends she tried to get in with that group to isolate me again. Looking back I can see that she'd effectively colonised me, she was dependent on my submission to her, which continued throughout secondary school, to the extent that on the way to enrol for A levels, she persuaded me to drop the ones that I wanted to do, so she wouldn't be the only girl doing sciences.

That sounds very similar to my situation, I've only ever been bullied by people who I thought were my friends. In retrospect, I'm glad that the girl who I thought was my 'best friend' decided that she hated me when we were 14, as although I then had a miserable year or so, it did lead to me making proper friends who liked me for who I was and I realised I didn't need to change my interests and behaviour to fit in. The girl then did exactly the same thing to a couple of other girls in my class: convince them that she was their best friend, separate them from the rest of their friends, then after a couple of years decide that she was better than them and abandom them in search of her next victim.

There definitely needs to be more awareness of psychological bullying - calling names, social exclusion, manipulative behaviour and so on: although it might not leave physical scars, the mental effects are still huge and I know in my experience that teachers just tended to pass it off as 'harmless teasing'. I went to an all-girls school and I can't remember any fights taking place or any forms of physical violence - but there was certainly a lot of bullying taking place, but no one ever did anything about it.

frostystar

11-03-2008, 11:41

I was never sure whether i considered myself bullied or not. I was never really picked on by people but i was alwasy excluded and never very cool. I think i found it very easy to blank out the snide comments i heard being made behind my back and i was happy to have a very blinkered view. I fooled myself a lot thinking people weren't talking about me. I was definitely not one of the people who say 'if you have something to say, say it to my face' because it hurts too much.

Lindz Delirium

11-03-2008, 11:43

I was bullied for two years in my secondary school, I was pushed down (concrete) stairs 4 times for being a "posh gyppo". This mean't I was a "gyppo" because my Mum got a lot of my clothes from chairty shops, as she brought me up on her own so we didn't have a lot of money, she is a dressmaker so often made my clothes as well, so I always looked a little "different" - my first secondary school didn't have a uniform so I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was "posh" because my Mum made me speak properly, to sound my t's and h's and I wasn't allowed to say things like "ain't" etc.

I moved schools at the start of yr 4 (year 10 now?) and I was much happier in my new group of friends although I did used to get some verbal abuse from the school bullies for being a "fucking Gothic cow". Wearing a lot of black and being a fan of The Cure seemed to rile them.

Lara_Áine

11-03-2008, 12:08

Pretty constantly. My first primary school it was by this ghinger kid called Alan :P and his scrawny little sidekick Craig. My father was pretty unconcerned about the whole think, 'thats what God gave you elbows for' which is probably not the best advice to give to a little five year old girl.

Anyway I left there at nine, and my second primary school I got teased mercilessly by this group of 'cool girls'. With hindsight I was quite intimidated by them which no doubt meant they sniffed me out. Their mothers were good friends with mine which made them doubly difficult to avoid and they weren't the best sort of girls, they were all smoking at ten and eleven and all were mothers by 15. One of the girls got pregnant when we were still in primary school :eek: so I suppose they had bigger problems than I did.

My other tormentor in that school was my former best friend. The usual story we fell out and she and her 'new' friends made my life a living hell.

The first two years in secondary school were really great, I suppose it helps when your best friend is one of the 'popular kids', you're protected by association. There was another girl in our class those years, who was quite strange. She said she had a learning disability because she was deprived of oxygen at birth. The school seemed to believe it and I'm sure it was true (the oxygen bit) but her mother was an absolute mentalist and most of L.s problems seemed to be the result of been told she was 'mentally retarded'. By the time she was 13 all the damage had been done. But people really didn't like her and she could say some of the most hurtful things, she had absolutely no social skills. My friend and I sort of took her under our wing, which protected her from being bullied but with hindsight I'm a bit ashamed of the things we said about her to each other. Never ever to her face or to anyone else, I suppose it was our way of coping with all the hurtful things she said to us and the way she would embarrass us in the middle of class by telling everyone really personal things about it. I used to help her academically as much as I could and we were paired in our Home Ec class. She destroyed my Junior Cert practical and ruined by grade. However I recently found some old school notes about her that my friend and I had passed between us. They were absolutely horrible, it made me sick and ashamed to know I had written them.

In third year, the tables turned and this group of girls started attacking my friend and I for apparently being lesbians. It was horrible. My friend got it worse than I did, although I was beaten up by two of them. And one day we were chased the 30 minutes home from school by a gang of girls throwing rocks at us. My friend ended up moving schools at the end of the year because she was terrified. I wanted to go too but my parents wouldn't let me. Even now they still talk about how much they regret not letting me go.

And then I was bullied horribly in my last three years in school by a different bunch. Usually over my weight but they used to steal things from me too, including my brand new minidisc player that I'd saved up for months for. The school really didn't care.

I was also bullied by my boss in a job I got shortly after I left school. He made me so miserable that I ended up leaving. I could've taken it further but really I was just so sick of the situation I had to get out. Looking back now I can't believe I allowed myself to be treated like that repeatedly by so many different people. I suppose when you don't expect anything better for yourself you tend to draw them to you. At least I know it'll never happen again, life is to short to allow people do that to you.

Lindseyn

11-03-2008, 12:38

Also, I got bullied in Junior school, and the teacher (who either didn't like me, or thought it would helpful to try and snap me out of my dappy/"daydream world"/shy ways actually seemed to encourage the kids in my class to bully me through the way she treated me - I remember that she used to say "use a bit of common sense" to me a lot, and after a while the whole class would chant it at me with her, (which again she seemed to encourage), and the way she she talked to me as if I was stupid just made me an easy target for the nasty kids in the class... She used to have a go at me a lot for my handwriting being bad too (which I now know is probably due to Dyspraxia). She just ignored it when the other kids were blatently bullying me.When I had councelling I was told to write a letter to her, to get out all my feelings to her and send it to her (which I did) and that really helped, and I felt I could move on, and not be bogged down with it. Oh yeah, and when I got bullied in high school, I had an especially bad time in Drama (the teacher was really rubbish and couldn't control the class at all, people used to sneak out the fire exit and smoke during class), after having a lesson where one boy kept flicking lit matches at my feet, my mum went up and talked to the teacher. His response was to do nothing and it just carried on, looking back on it now I'm still angry - it was his responsibility to make sure that the situation stopped, and if he couldn't cope with it, he need to go to the head of year or something. Some people shouldn't be allowed to teach (especially my junior school teacher)....

Mrs Bradfield

11-03-2008, 12:39

I was bullied from the last year of primary school, right up until the end of secondary school.

I dont know why i got bullied to start with, i can't think of any one particular reason for it, except maybe it was just 'my turn' or something, anyway, it just started with pissy insults etc and i never said anything until a few months before the end of primary, a boy in my class who was the main bully, tripped me up and pushed me into a table leg really hard, suffice to say, when i returned home that day with a black eye and a cauliflour ear, my parents noticed something was up and the next day my father went to the school and had a go at my teacher and the headteacher, luckily then nothing much else happened till secondary school.

When i went to seconday school, i was always the 'weird indie' kid, and therefore was probably a good target especially cos i would always answer back to shitty comments by this time, espicially on days like non school uniform day where i'd come in a my outfit would be completly have the piss ripped out of it, (my school was completely chavvy too so didnt help) then there were many incidents, such as our form room was on the top floor and every morning my bag would be ripped off me and chucked out of the window. EVERY SINGLE MORNING. plus ther ewere a few times i was almost shoved into a locker (we had them big standing ones) the final straw was whenmy 'best friend' at secondary school who'd moved from Australia in year 10 suddenly turned against me cos she'd listened to other people (one of whom was the school slag) and started a fight with me when the teacher was out of the class one day, she just came up to me and said something, i cant remember exactly what and started hitting me around the head with her wooden pencil box.

Then i snapped. proceeded to beat the absolute shit out of her with the whole class standing around chanting as they do and the teacher came in, and sent us both out, he asked me what happened, i told him and he sent me back into class and she got suspended!

Last example was on our last day, you know when you get your shirts signed? well i didnt realise till i went home, that my shirt was covered with obscenities such as 'CHLOE SHAGS HER MUM' 'SPERM STAIN' ETC.

so not a particulary happy time, however the funny thing is now these days, all the people who were cunts to me, really really want to be friends and all the boys when contacting me via facebook etc, have all asked me out!

I wonder if you can guess what my reply was?

Sorry for uber long post etc, but its quite good to remember it all and remember how much better then them i am and have done in life!

sofarsideways

11-03-2008, 12:51

That sounds very similar to my situation, I've only ever been bullied by people who I thought were my friends.

I don't want to say 'I'm so glad so many people have said this' because that's not what I mean, I certainly don't wish the whole friend-bully scenario on anyone, but it is somewhat comforting to read... my two worst instances were both best-friend bullies, and while I've had stuff from other people too it was never ever anything to even touch what my 'friends' did to me. And weirdly it was never that they really 'turned' on me after a prolonged amount of time... they befriended me and then when I was caught they'd start, it ws after a couple of weeks both times and then lasted for years. It may well have contributed to how it was handled from the outside, as well... how can they be doing these things, they're your friends! Ha. Well.

Last Exit

11-03-2008, 14:58

There definitely needs to be more awareness of psychological bullying - calling names, social exclusion, manipulative behaviour and so on: although it might not leave physical scars, the mental effects are still huge and I know in my experience that teachers just tended to pass it off as 'harmless teasing'. I went to an all-girls school and I can't remember any fights taking place or any forms of physical violence - but there was certainly a lot of bullying taking place, but no one ever did anything about it.

I think this is half the problem because bullies are painted out as being outsiders; older kids who wait for you at the school gate etc. but as so many people have said, they can be your so-called friends, and usually are. My "best friend" was basically my bully. People must have thought we were really close because we were always together, but actually that was because she was so posessive and controlling. I wish I could say that I was over it all these years later, but she was my friend, she was capable of being alright. It was like walking on a tight-rope being around her. Stupid as it sounds, I feel responsible, and I'll always blame myself for being over sensitive to begin with. It has affected the way I form relationships with people, at the best of times I keep them at arms length.

Assassinated_Beauty

11-03-2008, 15:12

not bullied exactly but people wern't nice to me

bleeding pepper

11-03-2008, 15:17

in truth, ive been both victim and bully. mostly the victim and though i never actually instigated any bullying, i have joined in on picking on other people. in retrospect, i believe it was because it deflected attention away from me so i wouldnt be the victim if the bullying was focused on someone else. it was name-calling, personal remarks etc, it starts out with the usual schoolboy 'cuss each others' mums' but quickly spirals into soemthing much more personal and malicious. there was rarely physical violence (that was both the form of bullying i experienced and dished out).

looking back, it was cowardly and due to lack of confidence which caused me to do what i did. at high school i became alot more confident, mostly through sports and left it all behind (playing rugby, and learning to tackle hard helped deter bullies). lots of bullies were bullied themselves. they either do what i did, or they took out their anger on others or both.

StrawberryWine

11-03-2008, 16:54

she literally drove her out

no.

unless she actually did plop her in a car and drive her out.

mrsmanics

11-03-2008, 17:10

Yep, all through high school. My life was hell, and it made me have no self confidence/low self esteem for a few years after.

This pretty much sums it up. I'd be spat at on the school bus, or have food thrown at me. The majority of it was verbal, though. And it took the form of intimidation - the main ringleader would come and sit by me on the school bus (he was a few years older than me - I did get picked on by the lads in my form, but I could put up with that). He'd put his arm around me and say things like: "You want to remember what this feels like, because no man is ever going to touch you again. You're disgusting." He'd refer to me as "it" and he'd sit by me and say: "I feel sorry for your parents, having to look at you every day. They must be so disappointed. You know they don't love you, don't you? Nobody ever will. Nobody could love something that looks like you."

If it had been just the name calling (he and his mates did that too), I could have lived with it. But such brutal, nasty intimidation made me lose every ounce of self confidence I ever had. I genuinely wanted to go to sleep at night and never wake up in the morning.

I moved to a different area in January of year 9 and on my first day at my new school, I was left alone by everyone in my form. A girl (who I went on to become quite good mates with) offered to show me where my first lesson was. Our form room was up some stairs, and there was a turning half way up. As we got to the turning point, literally all the boys in my new form were standing at the bottom of the stairs, having gathered a load of other lads. One of them just pointed at me and said: "That's the new girl in our class. Look at it. It's fucking disgusting."

I try so damn hard to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I'm not hideous and I didn't deserve the crap I went through, but it's fucking hard.

lost_cause

11-03-2008, 17:23

Dean V

11-03-2008, 17:32

Dean V

11-03-2008, 17:33

Well i'm still in school and i do get bullied a bit.
When i was 10 i got a entire year of being called retard rat.
This year i get bullied for being 'emo' and listening to diffierent music, being 'anorexic', cutting myself, being 'messed up' and various other stuff

Say to them "I'll fuck you up with my razorblade you daft cunts." The humor and the threat should put them off.

sofarsideways

11-03-2008, 17:38

These stories are so awful. I want to give you all hugs. :heart:

Dean V, I honestly know where you're coming from but it's often damned impossible to fight back in any way when you're in the thick of things, moreso if you're shy, terrified, predisposed to self-loathing or whatever. It's not really a case of getting the guts to do something - you just can't. Indeed such actions could solve or at least allieviate the issue, but isn't that just it with bullying? It's such an impossible thing. Besides I don't have the whole 'violence' thing in me at all, and daft as it sounds it doesn't work like that with most girls.

And yes, in my experience you cannot rely on anyone from outside, but I couldn't rely on myself either. Something needs to be done from outside, because I for one was in such a contained world that I could not help myself. It has taken me a long time to realise and accept that it wasn't my fault - it was the fault of those outside, both the bullies and the teachers and such. Sure they couldn't solve everything, and some of that was up to me, but I needed help and I just got more abuse.

Thomas

11-03-2008, 17:40

i went through periods where i got bullied the fuck out of me. to anyone who gets bullied i have one solid advice: beat the fuck out of them. break their legs, nose, arms etc. i found this the only sure-fire solution to fight bullism.

Tom

11-03-2008, 17:41

I didn't get bullied, but I think that's because I had tenuous connections with the hard kids from primary school. I had a large group of friends as well, which I think is half the battle. I did however seem to get into alot more scraps than anyone else I knew, but I think that was all down to me really. Oh yeah, and I got bullied by various teachers from about year 5 onwards.

Dean V

11-03-2008, 17:43

These stories are so awful. I want to give you all hugs.

Dean V, I honestly know where you're coming from but it's damned impossible to fight back in any way when you're in the thick of things, especially if you're shy, terrified, predisposed to self-loathing or whatever. It's not really a case of getting the guts to do something - you just can't.

Indeed such actions could solve or at least allieviate the issue, but isn't that just it with bullying? It's such an impossible thing.

And yes, in my experience you cannot rely on anyone from outside, but I couldn't rely on myself either. Something needs to be done from outside, because I for one was in such a contained world that I could not help myself.

No, I know that like, but I was just saying that one of the only things I've seen slow bullying is by doing something to the others. A lot of my mates used to get bullied until 6th form and my girlfriend did in 6th form (the secondary school I went to was all boys, mixed 6th form though).

Nothing resolved the bullying against her (which was absolutely horrific, much worse than I ever got like) when I wasn't there, because she is quite shy and not very self confident like (it was fine when I was there though, as you always see with twattish lads.)

I know my last post probably made me seem like an insensitive prick (I didn't mean it too like) but that's just my experiences and what I've seen. Apologies though to anyone if I offended them.

Dean V

11-03-2008, 17:44

bleeding pepper

11-03-2008, 17:45

Up until about Year 8 I got bullied in school (never as far as some people on here though thankfully!) for being a lad with glasses, was quite good in lessons and kept to myself and my small group of mates.

After that I told my brothers and they said "You know all that shite about telling a teacher will make it all better, and hitting them back will only make it worse? That's utter shit, just hit them back as hard as you can."

I don't reckon, with bullying, you can ever really rely on someone else to help (a lot of the time "friends" will be too scared or will be mates with the bully or summat). Sure they'll listen but on 90% of occasions (and I'm realising someone will shoot me down and say this is bollocks) that the only time bullying stopped was either when the person being victimized either a) left school or b) grew some bollocks and said/hit someone who deserved it. I know it's difficult to, but that's what I've seen throughout my school career.

I don't mean to offend anyone either, having read the thread but that's just my opinion.

to an extent. sometimes retaliating can make it worse though. ive seen some situations where the bullying began as verbal, turn to physical violence and generally just escalates after the victim makes a stand of sorts. i used sports as a legitimate way of getting back at them, so i'd advise that if possible. i guess i depends on the bully and their own circle of friends. but ive also seen situations where the victim somehow wins the respect of the bully by retaliating.

funnily enough when word got out of my self-harm, people backed off even more, like 'he's a mad hard bastard who doesnt feel pain!' i think it's the whole 'its always the quiet freaks who go postal and kill their classmates' conception. but then as others have said, theyve been victimised because of it.

Sugar

11-03-2008, 17:47

I was bullied for pretty much my whole school life, until I became old enough to not particularly care and I used to laugh in their face. The only thing is being bullied made me become very aggressive at home, particularly towards my older sister, then I began to bully the bully, which of course got me into trouble. I was always bullied during lunchtime because there were only the dinnerladies to supervise us and being all elderly ladies no one gave a crap about them. As soon as anyone would say "Someone just did this to me" they'd say "Stop telling tales" and leave you open to more bullying. Then as soon as I snapped there'd always be a dinnerlady conveniently nearby so I got a battering for it.
It was only when I got some really loyal friends in secondary school that I could feel confident enough that I could brush bullies off and I was never really bullied again.

sofarsideways

11-03-2008, 17:48

No, I know that like, but I was just saying that one of the only things I've seen slow bullying is by doing something to the others. A lot of my mates used to get bullied until 6th form and my girlfriend did in 6th form (the secondary school I went to was all boys, mixed 6th form though).

Nothing resolved the bullying against her (which was absolutely horrific, much worse than I ever got like) when I wasn't there, because she is quite shy and not very self confident like (it was fine when I was there though, as you always see with twattish lads.)

I know my last post probably made me seem like an insensitive prick (I didn't mean it too like) but that's just my experiences and what I've seen. Apologies though to anyone if I offended them.

Oh no no, I do agree with you in some ways, if I could've fought back I'm sure it would have been nothing but good for me. But I couldn't, I just despair at the general futility of it all, and how I let it repeat.

Yeah, much the same as your girlfriend. At least she has you :) Whoever said having people to lean on is a deal-breaker is completely correct.

Not at all, I knew what you meant, and I didn't mean to get all passive-aggressive at you either.

Dean V

11-03-2008, 17:51

to an extent. sometimes retaliating can make it worse though. ive seen some situations where the bullying began as verbal, turn to physical violence after the victim makes a stand of sorts. i used sports as a legitimate way of getting back at them, so i'd advise that if possible. i guess i depends on the bully and their own circle of friends.

funnily enough when word got out of my self-harm, people backed off even more, like 'he's a mad hard bastard who doesnt feel pain!' i think it's the whole 'its always the quiet freaks who go postal and kill their classmates' conception. but then as others have said, theyve been victimised because of it.

Aye, I did get my arse kicked severely when I started fighting back, most of the lads doing it were wimpy bastards clinging onto their hard mates. Two of them were genuinely annoying chavvy hard lads who kicked my headi n repeatedly. It was worth it though, the dick heads without any balls (95% or so :P) started to think "He may actually hit us" and the hard lads generally were dickhead moron chavs who ended up getting moved from the school.

Daniel

11-03-2008, 17:54

I'm not sure If i find the results here depressing, or just difficult to believe.

I think it's pretty much normal to go through your school life and get a bit of grief here and there, because that's just the way kids are. There's occasional grief, and there's bullying, and reading some of the pretty shocking stories here, there's one hell of a difference.

tzb

11-03-2008, 18:02

Yeah but personal grief from the same group of individuals 5 days a week because it amuses them needn't have some major event to make it bullying.

Tom

11-03-2008, 18:04

Yeah but personal grief from the same group of individuals 5 days a week because it amuses them needn't have some major event to make it bullying.

Yeah definitely. I felt so bad for the kids at school who just got aggro everyday for no reason. Just little things, so they would feel stupid going to the teacher about it.

Fuzzy Child

11-03-2008, 18:10

I was bullied at school since I momved to London when I was 10. They would call me names like weirdo and freak, In secondary school I remember some wanker pushing me in front of everyone, hurting my knee and another dickhead taking the chair as I was about to sit on it. I then fell flat on my arse and everyone laughed. It didn't help not having any friends, tehy genrally just stayed away form me so their "social position," wouldn't be affected. It made a huge mark on me especially as home as never been great. I didn't do well academically as I should have, I actually didn't go straight on to further education becasue they put me right off. I don't keep in contact with anyone from school.

Becasue of school I have so many insecurities, I cringe when I say a word and I don't like the way it sounds. Also its odne something on my character, I'm bitter and twisted, I feel hate when I see people smiling and being happy. I use sarcasim as a defense mechanism. But to be positivve I'm much more stronger and I stick up for myself much more then I would have before. The important thing is that I've turned out to be a decent person, I take great pleasure in knowing I've never hurt another person or made anyone else feel bad about themself.

Fuzzy Child

11-03-2008, 18:12

Well i'm still in school and i do get bullied a bit.
When i was 10 i got a entire year of being called retard rat.
This year i get bullied for being 'emo' and listening to diffierent music, being 'anorexic', cutting myself, being 'messed up' and various other stuff

they really deserve a slap and hopefully your teachers are doing somehting about it. If they arn't then their a joke to the profession

tzb

11-03-2008, 18:13

Yeah definitely. I felt so bad for the kids at school who just got aggro everyday for no reason. Just little things, so they would feel stupid going to the teacher about it.
There's very little that can make you feel as isolated or that you're so worthless as being put with a group of your peers who seem to hate you and verbally or physically attack you whenever they get the opportunity for absolutely no reason. And being stuck with the same lot of them for 6 years, 10 years, 12 years sometimes, all day, every day. It doesn't make for much of a write-up in this thread but it can spoil your whole life at the time, and there's really nothing you can do about it because like Tom says it's only little things which in themselves don't seem like much. But when they happen at every single opportunity you can't help but feel you're to blame for it somehow, that you are weird or "sad" or just a dick. It makes you feel very worthless, and means you don't even think there's any reason to fight back or tell someone - you think they have a point. I actually used to wish things would come to a head in some way like others have evidently had, so people could see it was going on.

Cuppa

11-03-2008, 18:14

I've already posted in this thread but I'm going to explain stuff a bit more because reading this thread yesterday made me think about it all again.

No one really liked me in secondary school for a long time. I didn't have a best friend and the friends I did have didn't seem to like me. There was this one girl in particular who used to make snide comments about me every day. Looking back on it I think she was jealous because I was starting to make friends with her best friend and she saw me as a threat. Anyway, she used to tell me I looked like a geek, and say that my acne was really bad, that my glasses looked ugly - she tried to turn the friends I did have against me, often successfully. I remember once she told me that I was "the kind of person that would never lose their virginity" and she also used to say I was a lesbian. It wasn't nice.

Then there was this other group of girls that hated people like me (ie people who weren't pretty and who did well at school etc) but they seemed to hate me the most. They used to make fun of me during pe a lot. I was actually good at pe but they were on all the teams and whenever I tried to get on the netball team they'd tease me and they wouldn't pass to me. I got my glasses broken by being hit in the face with netballs three times three weeks running!

It's weird though, because for about five years of my life the majority of people surrounding me tried to make me feel like a lesser person - and I got really upset by it all and hated going to school... but I'm so content with the friends I have now and the situation I'm in now I never think about it anymore.

Abstract Unknown Girl

11-03-2008, 18:27

In hindsight I think I was mildy bullied by several of my 'friends' really. At the time I didn't really think it was bullying (because really, the whole group of people I hung around with were a great big bunch of backstabbing, two faced cows who forever fell out with eachother, but I think I got the brunt of it at times), but whenever I think about certain things that were said or done, I cringe at how I just put up with it and carried on hanging around with them all for so long.

I was very quiet up until about year 10 and wasn't very popular with the boys (most the free time at school was spent fawning over or trying to impress boys in my then circle of friends...boys who actually were total arseholes and did nothing but take the piss out of us all anyway), so I guess I was the easiest target in our group. Two girls in particular were at times really rather nasty to me, just silly things like teasing me, throwing grass at me, hiding my pencil case, writing a fake Valentine's card to a random boy in our year claiming it was from me, telling me I was boring, too quiet and I'd never get a boyfriend, or just shit stirring trying to get the others to turn against me so they wouldn't have to invite me to birthday parties or trips out at the weekend (I know for a fact they *did* try to get everyone else to fall out with me so one of the bitch girls wouldn't have to invite me to her sleepover one time...like I was so desperate to go anyway!). And for some reason everyone seemed to think I copied one of the other girls ALL the time and couldn't think for myself, which really wasn't the case, so that made me go into my shell even more and I was too scared to say I liked/disliked anything in case I got accused of being a 'tagger'.

Then it got to year 10 and I came into my own a bit more and thought 'fuck this shit, they're not really my friends' and started hanging around with much nicer, less shallow people instead. So yeah, it was all very mild compared to a lot of peoples' experiences in this thread and I was never physically attacked or anything, but it did make my school life pretty miserable on and off for the first 3 years of high school and massively dented my confidence.

BUT, one of the aforementioned bitch girls has since become a teen mum (when I worked at Thorntons I saw her with a toddler, which was hers, this was about 3/4 years ago now...the father of the kid being a boy in the year above, who was also the son of one of the teachers at my old primary school AND that teacher also went out with the mum of our then mutual friend, that still makes me laugh) and she dropped out of college. So I'd rather be me than her :p

sofarsideways

11-03-2008, 18:38

Just little things, so they would feel stupid going to the teacher about it.

*nods* Little things that add up to a massive, massive thing for the person being bullied. It makes me wonder, looking back, how clever young children really are, and what they use their cleverness for. I don't think you can really come up with a rule of severity, it varies so vastly in so many ways.

Ha, I sound like such a sob story chipping in on everything. But I've experienced all these kinds of bullying, and... I don't know, never really talked about it, just blocked it off, referred to things passingly and not expanded.

Feels strangely nice to get it out in the open, with such lovely types as yourselves, who are very understanding.

Daniel

11-03-2008, 18:46

Yeah but personal grief from the same group of individuals 5 days a week because it amuses them needn't have some major event to make it bullying.

I just spent ages making a reply to this and I ended up thinking that I'll have to tick the 'yes' box. I feel like I've just come out of a therapy session!

ingvild

11-03-2008, 19:54

This pretty much sums it up. I'd be spat at on the school bus, or have food thrown at me. The majority of it was verbal, though. And it took the form of intimidation - the main ringleader would come and sit by me on the school bus (he was a few years older than me - I did get picked on by the lads in my form, but I could put up with that). He'd put his arm around me and say things like: "You want to remember what this feels like, because no man is ever going to touch you again. You're disgusting." He'd refer to me as "it" and he'd sit by me and say: "I feel sorry for your parents, having to look at you every day. They must be so disappointed. You know they don't love you, don't you? Nobody ever will. Nobody could love something that looks like you."

If it had been just the name calling (he and his mates did that too), I could have lived with it. But such brutal, nasty intimidation made me lose every ounce of self confidence I ever had. I genuinely wanted to go to sleep at night and never wake up in the morning.

I moved to a different area in January of year 9 and on my first day at my new school, I was left alone by everyone in my form. A girl (who I went on to become quite good mates with) offered to show me where my first lesson was. Our form room was up some stairs, and there was a turning half way up. As we got to the turning point, literally all the boys in my new form were standing at the bottom of the stairs, having gathered a load of other lads. One of them just pointed at me and said: "That's the new girl in our class. Look at it. It's fucking disgusting."

I try so damn hard to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I'm not hideous and I didn't deserve the crap I went through, but it's fucking hard.

It is so hard for me to believe that you, being a beautiful woman from the pictures I've seen on this forum, have ever been treated that way. I think that proofs the complete absurdity of bullying- (and I do not in any way say that bullying can be justified by the situation, or whatever the victim may look like and so on...) that ANYONE can become a victim! That's what scares me the most too; that if a small group of people or a "powerful" person desides that you're an outcast- you are.

Throughout primary school, most boys in my class told me on a regular basis that I was the ugliest and fattest person they'd ever seen. Seven years of that was just heartbreaking at times, and I remember feeling too embarrased to tell my parents. I constantly got these ideas that I was obese (which I can now surely say that I never was...) and I convinced myself that I suffered from some sort of disease that made me look uglier than most people, that scientists had not yet discovered.

I did have friends amongst the girls in my class, which I believe is why my confidence grew in secondary.

tzb

11-03-2008, 20:59

I feel like I've just come out of a therapy session!
Now, let's talk about your mother.

http://www.smartbusy.tv/lucy-psychiatrist.gif

Rumblefish

11-03-2008, 22:39

I was fat, ginger, shy and shit at everything so yeah, i was pretty much bullied constantly throughout school. Hell, even members of my own family used to emotionally abuse me.

Shane

11-03-2008, 22:58

BUT, one of the aforementioned bitch girls has since become a teen mum (when I worked at Thorntons I saw her with a toddler, which was hers, this was about 3/4 years ago now...the father of the kid being a boy in the year above, who was also the son of one of the teachers at my old primary school AND that teacher also went out with the mum of our then mutual friend, that still makes me laugh) and she dropped out of college. So I'd rather be me than her :p

However you look at it whether its right or wrong but these things are very satisfying to the soul!

mrsmanics

11-03-2008, 23:06

The important thing is that I've turned out to be a decent person, I take great pleasure in knowing I've never hurt another person or made anyone else feel bad about themself.

I genuinely do think a lot of you; you are a very decent person. And that's the best revenge anyone can get on a bully: To become a good person that other people think highly of. :heart:

It is so hard for me to believe that you, being a beautiful woman from the pictures I've seen on this forum, have ever been treated that way. I think that proofs the complete absurdity of bullying- (and I do not in any way say that bullying can be justified by the situation, or whatever the victim may look like and so on...) that ANYONE can become a victim! That's what scares me the most too; that if a small group of people or a "powerful" person desides that you're an outcast- you are.

Throughout primary school, most boys in my class told me on a regular basis that I was the ugliest and fattest person they'd ever seen. Seven years of that was just heartbreaking at times, and I remember feeling too embarrased to tell my parents. I constantly got these ideas that I was obese (which I can now surely say that I never was...) and I convinced myself that I suffered from some sort of disease that made me look uglier than most people, that scientists had not yet discovered.

I did have friends amongst the girls in my class, which I believe is why my confidence grew in secondary.

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say! :D It's true; bullies will just pick out someone that they think will be an easy target and before you know it, you're questioning everything about yourself.

For what it's worth, I think you're stunning from the photos you've shown in Show Yourself, so that just confirms that bullies are bloody stupid!

lost_cause

12-03-2008, 00:06

they really deserve a slap and hopefully your teachers are doing somehting about it. If they arn't then their a joke to the profession

Thank you!
They tried they failed.
I've been run out a school i've been at since i was aged 4. To people who have joined when they were 11. I'm leaving at the end of the year. The thing that annoys me most is i stood up for a lot of the people who are doing to me when they were bullied.

Fuzzy Child

12-03-2008, 00:13

I genuinely do think a lot of you; you are a very decent person. And that's the best revenge anyone can get on a bully: To become a good person that other people think highly of. :heart:

aw thanks Em :o I'm a tad disapointed that hardly anyone I know think that of me.

Thank you!
They tried they failed.
I've been run out a school i've been at since i was aged 4. To people who have joined when they were 11. I'm leaving at the end of the year. The thing that annoys me most is i stood up for a lot of the people who are doing to me when they were bullied.

I think the sad thing is tht most adolsecents are genrally crap people. Their still growing up, tehy say it gets easier adn it does but not to the extent you think it will sadly. And I guess is feasable to say that teachers don't do much as they should especially with current diciplinary precudures. At my school the school governers were involved when a pupil was getting expelled, which didn't help. Two boys were found with cannibus and were only excluded. THe idiot who said school was the best time of your life really needed a telling

dreamweaver

12-03-2008, 00:15

Thank you!
They tried they failed.
I've been run out a school i've been at since i was aged 4. To people who have joined when they were 11. I'm leaving at the end of the year. The thing that annoys me most is i stood up for a lot of the people who are doing to me when they were bullied.

thats seriously crap. I've been in similar situations. I really hope your next school is better for you.

Kieslowski

12-03-2008, 00:29

I don't think I was bullied really. There were folk at school who picked on others, but I honestly can't think of anyone who really got more than their "fair" share; certainly no concerted bullying campaigns. Of course, perhaps there were and other people just didn't see it.

I was short, speccy and a bit chubby, so I would certainly have been a good candidate. I was also top of all my classes, except PE, which I was shit at. So on paper, I was surely perfect bully fodder, no? However, I suppose I had the best anti-bullying tactics: I was funny, and I had a reputation for "taking a mentaler" if I was pushed far enough (eg slamming someone against the wall in the changing rooms because he touched my... glasses lens!)

There were some incidents I don't look back on fondly: some guy spitting down my t-shirt as we were walking back to changing rooms (he did it to a few guys I think). That guy was a pain in the fucking arse actually. He was a right little runt, the type you KNEW you could fucking knock out with a punch, but his best mate was a guy who used to have brutal fights with one of his mates out of sheer boredom (they'd congratulate themselves on a good fight afterwards). So no one touched him. It's always annoyed me that the little shit didn't get his comeuppance and probably left thinking he was great. He's on my list of people to kill before I die.

There were several incidents on the bus as well, because I lived in the decent area just before nedsville on the bus route. Generally just my bag getting nicked and tossed around a couple of times. One time someone decided to nick my lunchbox and spit in it. The thing is, the stupid cunt lived on my street and my mum knew (and couldn't really be bothered with) his mum; so she phoned them and he had to walk over to my house and clean out the lunchbox. Stupid tit. I saw the guy out on the piss a few years later, and he said "sorry for being a shit to you at school" and I thought "if this guy thinks I ever sat in my bed crying because of him, he's wrong; but if he's spent the past few years feeling bad about it, I'm not about to alleviate his guilt". So I just gave him a pitiful look and said "whatever." Actually, he DID sort of get in the way of me and my best friend when I was in primary school...

I could probably have considered myself as bullied, but I think my extreme arrogance about my intelligence stopped me from feeling sorry for myself - I think I always kind of realised I would turn out better than them. If I was ever called four-eyes I'd take off my glasses and say "well no, you see I have two eyes; these are just glass. Are you stupid?" I was also liked by enough people that if anyone seriously tried anything on me, there was a good chance someone would step in to help me... once they'd chanted "fight! fight! fight!" a few times of course. There was always someone to hold my glasses for me if I got started on.

I think a complete lack of female attention fucked me up far more than any little shit picking on me ever could have.

I think Dean V is right - the easiest way to stop bullying is by fighting back. It's not always possible, but sometimes just showing that you're not afraid to fight back is enough. It doesn't matter if they're bigger, the fact is bullying is about finding a victim, and if you show you're not a victim, you're less fun to bully. Most bullies are cowards, taking out their anger on someone else because they're bullied themselves (peers, older kids or shit parents), and they need an easy victim.

That said, sometimes the reaction spurs them on even more, particularly if it's a rather bad attempt at fighting back. What's the answer? There isn't one. Like most things in life, there's no one-size-fits-all solution.

Dean V

12-03-2008, 12:16

aw thanks Em :o I'm a tad disapointed that hardly anyone I know think that of me.

I think the sad thing is tht most adolsecents are genrally crap people. Their still growing up, tehy say it gets easier adn it does but not to the extent you think it will sadly. And I guess is feasable to say that teachers don't do much as they should especially with current diciplinary precudures. At my school the school governers were involved when a pupil was getting expelled, which didn't help. Two boys were found with cannibus and were only excluded. THe idiot who said school was the best time of your life really needed a telling

In my experience teachers don't do enough but because of limits and the whole "you can't expell a kid nowadays!" syndrome.

Case in point, I got in a small scrap with a lad (nothing massive like, just pushes and a few punches either side) and he was a known dickhead who was there so he could scrounge EMA money (I wish I got that) and not have to work, yet my own head of 6th form went to me "You can't keep hitting people, and I know he deserved it, and we know we should do more to these type of lads but we aren't allowed to." Fucking gash like!

Fuzzy Child

12-03-2008, 12:18

[QUOTE=Dean V;1327950] so he could scrounge EMA money QUOTE]

those twats make college an extention of school, "I'm only here to get EMA." Fucking idiots.

Dean V

12-03-2008, 12:26

[QUOTE=Dean V;1327950] so he could scrounge EMA money QUOTE]

those twats make college an extention of school, "I'm only here to get EMA." Fucking idiots.

I fucking know! Fair enough if they are there also to learn, as the concept of EMA cash is good like to me, but when lads/lasses come to register, then do fuck all work for lower 6th (then get shit results and are refused entry to upper) get my goat.

Maybe I'm just bitter I don't get it, but fuck the scroungers anyway!

Fuzzy Child

12-03-2008, 12:28

[QUOTE=Fuzzy Uddin;1327956]

I fucking know! Fair enough if they are there also to learn, as the concept of EMA cash is good like to me, but when lads/lasses come to register, then do fuck all work for lower 6th (then get shit results and are refused entry to upper) get my goat.

Maybe I'm just bitter I don't get it, but fuck the scroungers anyway!

I get EMA and think they need a fucking slap and a half.

Tom

12-03-2008, 15:35

those twats make college an extention of school, "I'm only here to get EMA." Fucking idiots.

Hi!

Fuzzy Child

12-03-2008, 15:59

Hi!

*waves*

Joannathon

13-03-2008, 22:37

Ooh, interesting thread, I should start coming into General Discussion more often :)

I was bullied in various ways on and off pretty much from the ages of 9 to 17, although it was worse at secondary school. Basically I can understand most of it - if I had met me at those times I wouldn't have liked me either.
I had a pretty insular childhood, and used to spend all my time with my sisters, and so I when I started secondary school I had no social skills whatsoever. I actually recall going up to people in Year 7 and asking them if they'd be friends with me :lol: I found it completely overwhelming and used to cry a lot during my first two years of secondary school, and while my class weren't a bad bunch and some really made the effort to be friends with me, I didn't exactly make it easy on them. So I spent most of my time at school on my own, and I was dead weird, which made me a prime target for this one girl Sam.

Basically she used to victimise me and shout things at me when the teachers weren't around, and try to turn potential new friends against me. This did not help with my low self esteem and lack of social skills. It got particularly bad in Year 12 when she used to just start having a go at me and other girls would join in, and throughout my school life I thought it was my fault for being a loser. Although when I was around 16 I got some nice friends outside of school and got more self confident, and one time when she was being a bitch to me I said 'actually, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm fine as I am,' which actually stopped her in her tracks - she had no idea what to say to that. But it carried on until she left in the middle of Year 12. From what I hear she's now earning shitloads at Lloyds TSB.

After she left I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. I still didn't have many friends, and at this point it was too late to make new ones and infiltrate cliques etc., but I turned really gobby and loud. Not in an abusive way, just in a self confident way, if that makes sense. A lot of girls in my class still looked down on me but I didn't care anymore, because for the first time in my life I actually liked myself the way I was.

What also helped, in a paradoxical kind of way, was that around this point I had started working at a place with a huge climate of bullying (I actually got an ashtray chucked in my face by someone else who worked there, and I was constantly getting abuse from both staff and customers). It sucked but after a while I developed a thicker skin and got quite good at bantering with people and answering back when they were taking the piss. Once I'd learnt to deal with other staff members hitting me, calling me fucking thick and 'joking' that they'd rape me, the snobby girls at school were just old news, and they barely registered with me anymore.

Anyway, long story short, I'm now in a completely different environment from all that, and at uni I've actually learnt to make friends and be relatively normal. I don't resent the girl at school who made my life a misery, because she had a shit home life and no one treats other people like that unless they feel like crap themselves. I know this because I've been on both sides. The only lasting effect all this has had on me is that I get quite insecure with friends sometimes and I sometimes feel like I'm counting down the days until they gang up on me like people at school did. I need to get it into my head that I'm worth no less than other people and I deserve to be treated the same. But i'm working on it :)

wireobsessed

14-03-2008, 14:50

Yes I was, once in Primary and once in secondary school. None of it was terribly serious but I was quite a quietly confident person who knew that I was different to a lot of my peers. The primary situation dragged on for about 3 months and started because I had a small group of great friends and a new girl came to school and moved into our village at the same time. She desparately wanted to be friends with people but looking back found it very hard to make any. She tried to split up our group and picked each one of us off until she either had each of us as a friend (in her gang) or not. Well I was fed up with the constant name calling and particularly name calling against my Mum-who was a friend of her mum!!!! I tried to ignore her but it all came to a head when she told everyone she was going to beat me up on the way home one night. I tried to avoid the situation but in the end I couldn't so I stuck up for myself and gave her 1 bloody good punch, blacked her eye and sent her flying (much to the shock of everyone else).Needless to say the bullying stopped and she had the embarrassment of trying to explain away the black eye.

It taught me to be proud of who I was and not be afraid of anyone and the fact that my Dad had always passed on tips of how to take care of myself obviously helped!!!

Secondary school was again about being different and not really fitting in with other girls in some of my classes. I was always into music, art, literature and drama and because that wasn't "cool" with a large number of people and I got great grades I was considered a snob and brainy! I was bullied again-verbal this time. I let it ride and stuck to my own friends and the girl concerned got fed up with getting no reaction and sadly moved onto other people who she could easily get to.

Looking back personal confidence helped so much and that is the one thing that I would pass onto anyone being bullied. Try and have the confidence to share it with others and be proud of who you are, you're probably better than they are.

wireobsessed

14-03-2008, 14:57

[QUOTE=Dean V;1327950]In my experience teachers don't do enough but because of limits and the whole "you can't expell a kid nowadays!" syndrome.

Staff and school can exclude and permanantly exclude students that are causing real problems for others. There are Local Authority and Government guidelines but they CAN exclude. If there is enough information and enough complaints these excuses for students should go.
Make a hige noise about them and don't give up-it's your education they are spoiling.

Any member of staff that tells you this is WRONG. Take it up with someone more senior in your school/college and get it sorted. I wish you luck.

Gillyflower

14-03-2008, 17:07

I am really saddened to hear of the awful things some of you had to endure during school years. The capacity of humans to be so utterly vile to others never fails to astound me. Children can be so incredibly cruel.

I wasn't bullied, and bizarrely after reading this thread I am wondering why not... I was a happy and confident child - maybe that helped. I was crap at sport though - classmates used to beg not to have me on their teams 'cause I was rubbish. I could only agree with them on that really.

There was a girl in my Infants school who used to kick me, but then she kicked everybody (she was known as "Donkey") so I was no different to anyone - I just learnt to give her a wide berth.

During teenage years there was some name-calling because I developed large boobs which was a cause of amusement to some. I used to get called "slag/slut" etc. Why having big boobs should make me want to leap on the slobbering 14 year old spotty oiks was a mystery to me.

I loved school. Maybe I was lucky.

ingvild

15-03-2008, 11:25

I loved school. Maybe I was lucky.

You were. I loved kindergarden, and hated primary school. I have very few fond memories from I was 7 to 13 years old. I've loved upper secondary/high school though, I'm kind of sad that I'm in my last year.

Dean V

15-03-2008, 11:43

In my experience teachers don't do enough but because of limits and the whole "you can't expell a kid nowadays!" syndrome.

Staff and school can exclude and permanantly exclude students that are causing real problems for others. There are Local Authority and Government guidelines but they CAN exclude. If there is enough information and enough complaints these excuses for students should go.
Make a hige noise about them and don't give up-it's your education they are spoiling.

Any member of staff that tells you this is WRONG. Take it up with someone more senior in your school/college and get it sorted. I wish you luck.

No it's true they can but a lot of the time it's a case of "we don't want our school records looking shite." As every kid knows that it CAN be done it's just a case of unwillingness on the teachers/heads to have an ugly mark on their records.

I've re-read the thread and I feel so bad for some people on here, it's just outrageous how many gutless twats try to group together like a pack of crows and try to pick someone to death like.

Miss Amethyst

15-03-2008, 13:41

I don't remember ever being bullied in primary school, but I think it was down to the fact I was best friends with the most popular girl in the school.

However, I've experienced some unpleasant verbal bullying in my current school. It's simply because they are ignorant and fail understand that if I say I'm a witch, it's not because I've lost all of my marbles. I once had a girl come up to me - who is two years younger than me - and say: Oh, you're the witch, aren't you? :hmmm: Hi, I'm fine,thanks. How are you?

I never really let it get to me, it's very easy to ignore them when I know they are pathetic and I rock more than they ever will. :nod: But it's tiring, to constantly have to put up with them...

I think the hardest for me, has been the fact that for 3 years I had a best friend who was bullied. I always stuck up for her because that was when my bullies were her bullies. I always tried to stop them from destroying her property or insulting her behind her back. I tried my hardest to be there for her, despite how clingy she could be, because I believed she deserved it. And it worked, now they like her and hate me.
But guess what? She doesn't ever think to stand up for me now. She told me I was "clingy".

Tom

15-03-2008, 14:03

A teacher at secondary school told me that for every student they permanently exclude, the school loses something in the region of £1000 worth of funding. I don't know how true that is, but maybe that explains their reluctance to permamently exlude even the very worst of kids?

tzb

15-03-2008, 14:08

They should install dungeons. A great way of simultaneously excluding disruptive kids, keeping their precious £1000 funding and ensuring a decent basketball team.

Tom

15-03-2008, 14:13

They should install dungeons. A great way of simultaneously excluding disruptive kids, keeping their precious £1000 funding and ensuring a decent basketball team.

Reminds me of when Ofsted used to come in and they just used to lock all the bad kids in one room at the very end of the block furthest away from the main part of the school, with a senior member of staff for the week.

tzb

15-03-2008, 14:15

Was the staff member armed?

Tom

15-03-2008, 14:17

No, but we did have security guards at the school for the whole of year 8, armed with pepper spray and batons!

frostystar

15-03-2008, 14:22

Jesus.

Fuzzy Child

15-03-2008, 14:42

Reminds me of when Ofsted used to come in and they just used to lock all the bad kids in one room at the very end of the block furthest away from the main part of the school, with a senior member of staff for the week.

the head would scare the shit out of the good kids in being good becasue they knew they could anf reason with the bad ones. My school was shit.

relic

15-03-2008, 15:25

My nephew, who has Asperger's Syndrome, was very badly bullied a year or two ago, by a boy who had real problems of his own (from what I can gather, he was an abused child at home). The bully inflicted extreme violence on my nephew, including stamping on him and kicking him, and my nephew was unable to deflect this boy's anger or figure out how to avoid him. The school refused to exclude the bully as he'd already been excluded from two other schools, and they wanted to give him a chance. That chance nearly came at the cost of my nephew's life, and I am not exaggerating. My sister kept my nephew out of school for several days, at the school's suggestion, to 'let matters cool down', he was the one who missed out on lessons, and who was separated from his friends. and effectively punished for being bullied. I appreciate that provision must be made for kids who are in a bad way at home, but it shouldn't be at the expense of vulnerable children at their schools.

Fuzzy Child

15-03-2008, 15:49

bunny_tha_devil

15-03-2008, 23:30

Sorry I didn't read this thread through, but I suppose it's about real bullying lasting a long time, leaving scars...

I've been bullied by my best friends, if that makes sense, you know how girls like to stab you in the back and act all tough and betray you when they're teens? Like that I have been bullied. I don't think that counts here though.

Otherwise no, which is strange, because I've always been an oddball. Actually, now that I think about it, I've been pretty fucking lucky. Wow.

Edit. Jesus Christ. Have most of you been kicked in school? I have hard time to believe that. Are some of you sure you're not voting because you've been bullied by this normal shit that happens to pretty much eveyone? I just find it very odd that almost 70% of people here say they really were bullied.